Merely His

This Morning I THREW UP ON MY FAMILY!

2012-02-12T20:21:00.001-07:00

In keeping with my current "theme" which isn't an intentional theme- but apparently- I keep thinking about things that BOTHER me.

Anyway, so this one has been bothering me ALL DAY!

This morning I threw up all over my family. Yep! Right before I got ready for church...and then I went into my bathroom, turned the shower on and bawled like a baby!

It was just disgusting....I have been so busy, overwhelmed with studying- preparing for a huge testing day, working out, trying to start a new business, running our home which had been infected with sickness, doing taxes, AND the regular stuff....I didn't even realize HOW stressed I had become..... Then, it happened. My power steering pump went out and I realized I had to wait to get it fixed because I didn't have the cash for it. It started me down a trail of negative thoughts....how my wedding ring is still busted, I need a battery and charging cord for my laptop, my grandma's table isn't finished, I keep waiting to get my Siri iphone4s....waiting....WAITING AND WAITING!!! And has anyone other than me noticed how messy the house had gotten in the past couple days?? OH MY GOSH! Look- the trash is overflowing AGAIN! Can't someone ELSE take it out of the container and put it in the garage????!!!!

I threw up with words ALL. OVER. THEM.

And IT. FELT. AWFUL.

Like I said, I then went to shower (bawling like a baby) to get ready for church- which I KNEW I NEEDED. Clearly, I was allowing myself to be swallowed in the sinking sand of negativity and thinking about ME. ME. ME.

Enter RUSH HOUR- Where kids bring their parents to learn! (Our family worship service. Of which, I am now in a leadership role as a Crew Leader.) And, yes..... I heard the message LOUD AND CLEAR!

Honor others- put others needs above your own. NOTHING like what I was doing just a half hour earlier....but, I was realizing BIG TIME- that was exactly what I NEEDED TO DO! FOCUS ON OTHERS!! It isn't about me. Life is so much better when we look outward for the good of others!

I am focussed again. A plan is on the rise- a plan of encouraging those in my life and focussing on the positives... So, if we are friends on facebook....if I am involved in your life at all- THAT IS MY MISSION. Instead of throwing up all over the people I care about- I intend to BRIGHTEN their day.

(A friend of mine wrote about throwing up on her husband a couple years ago with her words and that analogy has stood in my head. It is SO true! And, throw up is DISGUSTING!)

Out with the old??

2012-01-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

OK- so there seems to be a "theme" I have going on right now. It is the stuff I struggle with. It is the stuff that gets under my skin that I can't seem to avoid as of late....

I mean, I tend to try to count blessings and focus on good and stay as positive as possible.....but.....

Well, here is the situation. I see EVERYwhere that in our society, our country, our towns, and cities, our movies, our sit coms..... virtually everywhere you look there is a HUGE focus on YOUTH.

I love youth, don't get me wrong....I wish there was a fountain for it....sometimes.... No. Actually, I don't.

As I have gotten older, I have discovered that the years of my youth, though fun and frenzied and full of tons of energy- did not offer the peace, the understanding, the way of being able to look at a subject from so many points of view.

Growing up I had a couple of grandmothers and do you know something? When my life got rocky....when I was confused....when I needed comfort- it was my grandmothers who knew just what needed said- just what needed done- just how to help, exactly how I needed help for each situation.

Those two ladies had a lot of GRAY HAIR!!! They were 40 some years older than me.

Now, I am getting more and more gray hair. I am not a grandma yet- but I still look to those who have gone before me for advice, for help to point me in the right direction.....do you know WHY? They have the wisdom- the experience. The Bible says that gray hair is a sign of wisdom. Wisdom is a good thing- so gray hair must be also and so being older must be a good thing.

It feels good to me to be getting older- to have raised little ones, to be knee deep into teenagers, to be able to offer what I have learned about life through my own living of it to others who are younger. I am looking forward to becoming a grandma- and I hope that my grandchildren will feel that I am the kind of grandma I had. (Just to clarify- no, I am not in a hurry for my teenagers to have babies! I can wait!)

But, this is what scares me.... What if I start letting my grays show a little more? What if I add in some more wrinkles this summer from hanging out in the sun? Is my society going to shove me to the side? Discount who I am - who I have become with years of experience? Decide I have no value- no worth?

Whatever. I know I cannot decide for anyone else. But as for me, I choose to celebrate that there are older, more experienced, wise people in my life. I think AGING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING! I am thankful for my grandmas and people like them. I will never be ready to discard or shove to the side those who are older than me.

My Struggle

2012-01-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

There is something I have been struggling with. It's getting to the point that it is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep.

There are people who come to churches who have issues. Did you know?

People who have mental illness. People who are addicted to pornography. People who are filing bankruptcy. People who feel unloved. People who are searching.

So many of us get all dressed up on Sunday- we smell good- we look good- we feel good. We want to go to church and we want to sing some songs that make us feel good. Hear about a God who loves us. We want to smile at people and maybe get a few hugs.

Then it happens.
That person comes in- they look a mess, they smell bad, they are crying and very upset. Is that alcohol on their breath??
Or- then we see the guy we know outside of church and we know he is gay. He is openly gay. He came to church?
Or- then we see those girls from school come in - you know, the ones who barely cover up their skin? Now it's all showing here in church, too. REALLY?

We look at them. Wonder why they came. Don't they know that there are dress codes here? Don't they know God doesn't like what they are doing? or did? We may even think about how they are messing up our morning. I mean, seriously- hearing her and seeing her all upset like that while I try to worship God is distracting. It's also distracting to see so much skin in front of me- COVER UP!

Really????

I try to imagine Jesus standing in front of us- I am trying to imagine him turning them away. "You aren't welcome here at church- you have to be perfect to come in. Or, at least trry to LOOK like you are- like you have it all together so that everyone else here feels good and comfortable."

NO! Not just NO, but HELL NO!

Jesus wants people to come to him JUST AS THEY ARE. (It doesn't mean he won't work on them and change them over time- He has changed me a lot and continues to....but thank God he didn't expect me to look perfect or be perfect first- or I still wouldn't be allowed to be there!)

And by the way- just because people look good and smile at church, doesn't mean they have it all together! People who go to church AREN'T perfect. They STILL have issues, struggles, SIN. They still need that Saviour, Jesus!

So, my struggle, personally, isn't the people who come to church and aren't afraid to let it all hang out and show everyone around them that they struggle. My issue is the people who sit there and stare- or shake their head in judgement- or act as if that person has no business being there. The people who would rather say I am a Christian, and I am going to only let these other Christian people who look good and smell good and act the way I like to be here with me.

But, then, I am being judgemental, too.

Blinders

2012-01-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was playing Zuma Blitz and Bejeweled on facebook. (Believe it or not, two of my main reasons for getting on there right now.) Anyway, as I was relaxing playing my games, I heard a movie in the background. In the movie they were talking about how horses wear blinders in races so they will focus on the goal and not be distracted by whatever is surrounding them.

Immediately, I thought about this verse below. (Funny, this morning it was the exact verse that Tim Tebow shared on facebook.)

Tebow is probably focussing on the challenges that face him today. Big playoff game against my favorite team, the Steelers! He is focussing also, I am sure, as always, on being a Christian and his relationship with the Lord. I imagine it is difficult sometimes. He could become unfocussed thinking about possible negative outcomes, about Harrison hurting him, about all the people who criticise him for openly praying and talking about his Christian faith.

I, however, am thinking about my own journey. I am trying to be a good wife and a good mother. I am focussing on opening a place for teens in our tri-town area. Those are my "races". Distractions abound. Mess around the house, a huge to do list that could seem daunting if I allow it, loads of laundry needing put away, seeing some unbelieveable numbers that could make the goal seem unattainable if I let my mind go that way, or how about my lack of experience- my knowing that I know so little and am nothing spectacular?.....but, I am chosing, like a horse running a race- to put my blinders on. Not to let those things- visions, people, thoughts, lists- distract me, or worry me, or bring me down.

In the movie, I also heard him talk about how so many people out there had to start without experience...he had a huge list.(I wish I could remember it!) I felt encouraged. It is true- everyone starts somewhere. Most people don't start anything as an expert- but as they plug along and develop- they GAIN experience. The verse below says- "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses...." Yes, I am thankful that I can refer to Bible stoires and realize that most people God used in the Bible were imperfect, inexperienced nobodies - but they had FAITH- and FOLLOWED!

So, yeah- right now, although I want my team to beat the Broncos, I can totally relate to what my favorite Bronco player- maybe favorite football player period right now- has shared this morning.

Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

More Faith

2012-01-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

Wow!

Inhale. Exhale!

Just sat down with a very gifted budgeter. Is that a word?

Anyway, she used to do such things for IBM.

We sat down to decide how much money would need to be raised to make "That Place" a real place.

Guess what?? It is going to take a LOT of money!!!!!

She looked at me at one point and asked if I was OK- she didn't want to burst my bubble.

I looked at those numbers and I looked at her. YES! I am OK.
I know that if this is God's will, it will work! The funds will be made- donated- miraculously appear, even.

She said she has that faith- she also wants to be realistic. I want to be realistic- this is no small task! However, God is a BIG GOD and ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH HIM!

I am thankful to my friend for helping me think this all thru- sort it out and budget. I also want to thank her for the reality check. I also want to thank her for her faith. For me, this is requiring more faith than I have ever had to have before!

Now, I am in the process of calling people I know who are attourneys. Becoming Incorporated and eventually a 501c3 are the next steps.

Are you still on this journey with me??

The Great Adventure!!

2012-01-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

Well, in the fall of 2010, something bothered me. I saw the teens in my family's new community having nothing to do and no place to go, locally. I saw them bored and walking aimlessly around town. By January of 2011, I could almost not stop thinking about it!

I kept thinking, "We need a place for them."
I kept seeing buildings around town- empty, abandoned and I kept thinking- "Wouldn't it be nice to have a place for them?"

It became VERY apparent to me last fall when I was at church and the preacher said something about "God has put something on the hearts of some of you that seems too big for you." I started crying! "YES! He has- and YES! How on earth can I do something like this?" I went to the cross, got down on my knees, prayed and cried and felt so humbled and then felt so reassured that God was in this. I knew that if He was in it- it would work!

I knew that I knew that I knew I was to be an instrument in making this thought more than a thought- but a REALITY. Thus, began the journey of trusting and relying on Him more than I ever have before and feeling simply humbled as I know I am really nothing special at all. I have so many flaws and I know so little about so much- and yet over the past several months, He has provided people who DO know. People who SEE the vision and get excited and want to offer help!

I have a huge passion for teens. I didn't have the best years of my life as a teen- and I really hope that the teens whose lives I get to be in- for whatever amount of time- can have a better life somehow thru the time we have together. I have coached basketball and taught some fitness classes to teens and I also am a small group leader for our youth group at church. Not to mention I am the mother now to 3 teenaged girls and one tween! I am surrounded- and I LOVE it!!

So, this GREAT ADVENTURE is beginning as we begin a new year. We have people working on Articles of Incorporation and will become "The G56 Corp"- which stands for Galatians 5:6- my favorite scripture coming to life in my life- "The only thing that counts is Faith, expressing itself thru Love." and we will apply for a 501c3 to become a non-profit organization. We are currently working on a 1st year -3rd year budget and will begin to raise funds shortly for a place called "That Place".

Our mission- "THAT PLACE is THE place tri-town teens will find THEIR place in our community and in our world."

This is how that will happen-
"That Place" is the place for tri-town teens to unite in community. A place they can be inspired by the Arts. A place they will understand their own and other's value thru mentoring, homework help and community outreach and service. A place teens will respect themselves and others as they engage in fitness and activities that promote health and wellness."

This is a huge vision- there is so much to be excited about and those people I have shared this vision with seem just as excited as I am!

We will be the place for teens after school, and on Friday nights after High School games, and we will team up with other non-profit organizations to sevre our community.We will be there in the summer doing field trips and planting a community garden and we will open our building to the community for meetings, receptions and the like, when we are not holding teen functions there.

This is The Great Adventure I am on right now. Some of you have already joined this adventure with me! Some of you have heard just a bit about it- and now you know more! For some of you, this is the first you have heard of it! This is your invitation to join me on this adventure!

My word for 2012 "BETTER"

2011-12-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me last night what my New Year's Resolution was going to be.

I do not really like the whole idea of a New Year's Resolution.....so, I do not have one.
I DO, however, like the idea a a word for the year. Another friend of mine does that- and as I follow her blog and tweets I see that it works, somehow "better" than a resolution. Maybe it is because a single word can carry meaning into so many facets of life and is general and focussed at the same time in some strange but very meaningful way....
That is my word- "BETTER".
Off the top of my head I can think of this word and its meaning transposing itself into various areas of my life in the coming year- and in the long and short of it- helping me to focus on what is most important- at least at this juncture as we all know priorities change over time and circumstance.
A lot of life as I have known it will be changing this year- and I will share that as the journey continues...but as I prepare for these changes and visualize the future, I know without a doubt that there are many areas of my life in which I must start learning the difference between good and better.
I feel I have somewhat of a grasp on the difference between bad and good. I do not always choose good over bad- sometimes as a creature of habit, sometimes out of a certain sense of rebellion...but I must say, usually, I at least know the difference. If, though, this year, I am chosing BETTER- even over GOOD- that should help dismantle the bad options in life a little better, too, right? (maybe that pun was intended... (;)

Anyway- think of the sayings you have heard;
"It is better to give than to receive."- I may need to be on the giving end more than I had before.
"Two are better than one."- maybe my alone time isn't as valuable as I had thought. Maybe more teamwork is necessary
"Better is the enemy of best" - and yet- without always even chosing better over good, is it possible to jump over everything to best?
"My life is better because you are in it."- am I making the lives of those around me better? Who am I around that makes my life better?
"Well done is better than well said"- are my actions speaking loudly and clearly to others- or are my actions muddled down as I just fill the air with the noise of my words?
"Adjustment with the right people is always better than argument with the wrong people." I need not waste my time, effort and energy arguing with others. Instead, I need to focus on working with the people in my life that I have meaningful relationship with sometimes that means adjusting to make things BETTER.
"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Am I being loving? I need not be too guarded...
"Make better choices-" better food choices, better drink choices, better time choices,
"It is better to have a few good friends than many aquaintances."- makes me think of things like Facebook and all the thousands of people who have sometimes such deep insight into our personal lives...

So, you see the possibilities of BETTER seem almost endless.... I am just scratching the surface here....but thru the upcoming year, I plan on getting BETTER at chosing what is BETTER...and becoming a BETTER person in doing so.

Cheers! :)

Bully! Bully!

2011-12-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

Recently I had the privledge of going with a group of people to elementary schools to give a message thru a program we call "Rush Hour" about RESPECT and "anti-bullying".

Before we went, I was very excited as I personally know some young children as well as some older ones who have been faced with bullying and I think it is a hugely important message to tell these young people that it is WRONG to bully. Youngsters need to know that it is not acceptable. They are valuable people and do not have to take someone else pushing them around, belittling them, or being cruel to them with words or actions.

Something had not occurred to me until I was there backstage listening to the message being acted out. I heard them say that young people can take their example from the older people around them concerning how to treat others and show respect....and it has had me thinking....

I KNOW ADULTS WHO ARE BULLIES!

You probably do, too. You know- the ones who put you or others down. They say things to make people feel like they are worthless and gross and ignorant. They use their words to tear others down - ON PURPOSE!

I am not sure what makes people think they have the right to belittle another human being...but it is DEAD WRONG! Somehow, even though our society does not condone in any way shape or form physical abuse, it seems to in some way, excuse this verbally abusive behavior sometimes with adult people. I am not sure why. It really is just NOT ACCEPTABLE!

I urge you, if you are being bullied by an adult in your life- confront them. Try to seek help. If they refuse to change- don't walk- RUN in the other direction as fast as you can! You ARE valuable and deserve to be treated with respect!! If a person in your life is purposely tearing you down- saying demeaning things to you- making you feel ashamed and bad about yourself to somehow make themselves feel better- YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE IT!

Make the choice to surround yourself with positive, loving, and caring people. When you are in that kind of an environment, you have the ability to reach out to others in a positive, loving and caring way. Don't let the harmful and hurtful words of another push you down so that you cannot be a light to others! After all- in this world one of the most important things you can do is love others.... :)

RESPECT-

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for respect for a suspect's right to the elderly.

BULLY-
a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

Selfish Confessions

2011-12-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

Confession time.... Hopefully this will help someone else on their journey. It is pretty embarrassing to me....

I had my first child when I was 24.5. I had my last when I was 29.5. I had FOUR in FIVE years. Not complainging about that. I really wanted to have them close together. Our hope is that they will always be best friends - there for eachother thru life!

People told me that when I had children my life would completely change- I thought they didn't know what they were talking about. I had worked with children and adults with disabilities, I had nannied, I had been serviing people and teaching them for a long time. How different could having kids be?? HA! My life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. My husband and I also made the decision that our children would be homeschooled, and not watched by people who were not in our family until they were able to talk well enough to give us details of time spent with people- and had a good foundation of good verse bad, etc. I had some part time jobs along the way while raising and homeschooling my four girls. Watched other kids, cleaned houses, worked for a church part time, worked part time at Gap Kids...things like that.

I liked homeschooling. I loved my kids. But as my husband said, "You like Chocolate ice cream, does that mean you would want it for every meal every day?" The answer became over the years, "No."

The thing was, I did absolutely nothing anymore that represented my own identity. No scrap booking, no horseback riding, no fitness, no dancing. We might have gone out on a date once a year- maybe twice.

I got to the point where I felt like my life consisted of living in a shadow. Supporting and aiding everyone else in my life with their dreams and desires and completely forgetting my own.

Food became a fantastic friend. So did watching TV. I am an introvert anyway, so slowly but surely, I didn't even want to come out of the house. We had moved to Illinois when my oldest was about 11 and I didn't really know people there and I really missed my family and my friends in Ohio....it was easier to just stay to myself and go out to my kids' activities, go to homeschooling co-op and that was more than enough.

I came to the end of my rope. My husband and I began having some marriage trouble. I really felt pushed over the edge. We had no church home as we had all the other years of our marriage. No accountability. No "help".

That's when it happened. A neighbor about 10 years younger than me, started inviting me to go for walks. on those walks we would end up running, doing lunges, crunches, talking. I felt the burn again. I remembered how much I missed that feeling. ( Working out had always been a huge part of my life- I was the 12 year old in the house working out to Jane Fonda videos alone, the girl in jr. high lifting weights with the guys after school, the college gal working at Bally's).

I started taking Zumba Fitness classes. I started remembering what it felt like to have my own identity....and BOY, did I let that feeling take over!!

Yes, I was working out again, and that was a good thing for I was up to about a size 16 and the end-of-pregnancy weight I had been before- and getting unhealthier by the minute! But, for about 2 years, I fed my own desires. I thought more about myself that anyone, really. I wasn't as thorough even in homeschooling my girls. I would leave my family time and time again just to do my own thing and be away. I went out with friends. I lavished myself with gifts- actually needed clothes as I lost weight- but it seemed like I cared more about my own clothes, than those of my children! Handbags, shoes, sunglasses- I had to have them.

UGLY. SELFISH. SELF-SEEKING. GROSS. SELF-CENTERED. ALL ABOUT ME. UNCARING.

Thankfully. we moved. I didn't want to move- but it WAS the best move.

With the move, we found a home church right away- which was a great thing as it was already bringing our family back to that foundation it had always had thru the years before we moved to Illinois. My kids needed me. My husband was sure he had not realized before being apart from us all for about 4 months, how much he needed all of us.

I find myself right now- regretting the way I seemed to have "checked out" of my family for a while. I can only tell others from my own experience, that it is so important to keep up with your own identity. Yes, serve and love others, but you can't let them become your life. You still have to see who you are- and do the things you were designed to do. For some people, that may be to wrap your whole world around your children and your husband. What I have found for myself and many other ladies I know is that I am better for myself, my husband and my kids when I have a balance.

I need to be about them. But, there are other things in life I am passionate about- and I cannot just push those things aside as if they don't exist. It makes me unbalanced and unhealthy.

Right now- I have my passions with my husband and children and I have my passions with things I am doing outside of that. I am a much happier me...and a much less selfish me. I love to work on the things outside of my family that are helping others- and I love the time I get with my family. Probably enjoying both aspects of life NOW, more than ever!

Hope this story of my selfishness helps someone else - hopefully, someone else can avoid going thru it!

The Beauty of Forgiveness

2011-12-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

I have had some people in my life look up to me. I have had some people in my life call me a hypocrite and look down on me. Neither of these positions makes me happy. I have struggled my whole life wanting to make people happy- so, knowing full well that I am always going to let someone down because of how imperfect I am, makes me worrisome and pressured when they think too highly of me. On the other hand- people who judge me and seemingly dislike me...well, that makes me feel bad, too, because I want to be liked and I love people- so I don't enjoy being hated!

However, one thing that has become apparent to me over the years (and it has taken me 40)- is that you can never please everyone all the time. That is freeing!! I have learned that the harder someone judges another person, usually means the person doing the judging is the one with the bigger issues...I mean, let's face it- NO ONE is perfect- NOT EVEN ONE of us living here on earth. Knowing that I am imperfect should push me toward grace and mercy for others, knowing that I need it as well.

In 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul says this, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." This is often times, exactly how I feel.

Also in Romans 7:15 Paul says this, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Today, as I reflect on a life full of sin and grossness....I am thankful that I am forgiven! FORGIVENESS IS A BEAUTIFUL THING!

The Beauty of Family

2011-12-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

The past couple days as I have been noticing over and over again the beauty of family.

I adore my family!

I love moments we spend eating, shopping, cuddling, playing games, attending sporting events, watching movies...the years I have had the privledge of educating my kids...and still now, after sending some into public school it is so fun to get things ready with them for Spirit Week, going to see them perform, or play sports, meeting their friends, having their friends over, getting ready for dances...the support and the love that I feel as we all do life together and all cheer eachother on and show how much we really care about eachother is amazing!

Sometimes, most times, with six of us- life can get extremely busy and feel crazy! But, I wouldn't trade it for the whole world!!

I love it all- it is all so beautiful! I cannot imagine life without a family and the ties that bind us together- the memories we make together and the tremendous love we share. I have raised my girls telling them over and over again that they were born to be best friends. "No matter what the world throws at you, you will always have eachother!"

Family is a beautiful thing!! We are sooo blessed!!

Seeing Beauty

2011-12-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

We had quite a bit of snow the past day and a half or so. I am not a fan of snow and cold and more darkness in a 24 hour period. In fact, if I could, I would live somewhere closer to the equator- where it was always hot, more sunny and never snowed! lol

However, this month of December, I am asking God to let me see more beauty. (Got this in a way from my cousin, Heather, who often asks God to surprise her!) You can read some of her stuff here: http://gentlespiritmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/day-1630.html

He sure does answer prayer! Today, in the midst of my driving around town thinking about the immense amount of fog and snow and greyness of the sky I found myself thinking "This is like Narnia- always winter, never Christmas!"

Suddenly, I drive by a beautiful sight- I had stopped thinking about how things looked outside completely and I see something that was so beautiful to me, I had to stop my car, put it in reverse, get out and take a picture! Then, of course, I HAD to share that picture on Facebook. (I share just about everything on Facebook- perhaps it's my part Hippie upbringing - you know, open book, sharing everything, peace, love, joy..... hehe)

Anyway, as I saw the beautiful, fluffy, white, powdery snow on darker, harder, and more rigid branches against what was now a beautifully pure and illuminus shade of blue sky....I thought- "HOW BEAUTIFUL!"

Then, I started thinking...isn't that how God works? Even in times and places where we are thinking the forecast is ugly, dreary and dark...He shows up and He makes what we thought was far from beautiful into pure, magical beauty!! :)

Free Love- does the church have it wrong?

2011-11-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am in no way writing this to slam the church. I have gone thru times in my life without a church and times with- and I must say- the times with it are better than without. There is a bond, an accountability, a unity that comes with being part of a church that is not easy to find thru aother avenues...

However, I have been completely turned off by the church at times. I have to always remember that, like me, the people who attend and make up the church body are not perfect beings by any stretch of the imagination. They are just people like anyone else in the world. Only difference really is that they trust Jesus has died for their sins and so they are forgiven.

When you read the Bible- the love that Jesus showed to people was a love that met them right where they were. He did not wait to love on them until they did this, said that....you know?

I look at the many Bible stories of people making wrong choices, sinning. God didn't stop loving them. If there was a breakdown in the relationship, it was because the person walked away from Him- He wasn't walking away from them!

That is part of our imperfection- we as people- make other people feel they aren't "good enough"- haven't "done enough". GUESS WHAT?! NONE OF US ARE GOOD ENOUGH. NONE OF US COULD DO ENOUGH! One would hope that a person who goes to church every Sunday would understand this better than someone who doesn't....sadly- that doesn't always seem to be true!
Here is WHY we who are in church should know that :

Isaiah 64:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

I don't know why people in church act better than others, or say and do things that make others feel as if they are less. The sad thing is, I know MANY, MANY Church-goers who do not make others feel that way. However, the ones that do, turn people away from God- from church.

I wish that love was freely given to ALL (wo)men by ALL (wo)men. But, the reality is that none of us is that perfect. We are all going to mess up in one way or another. The best we can hope for is that when we do, we can realize we have and humble ourselves to admit it, ask for forgiveness and try to make things right.

Withholding love from others, requiring they change in order to feel loved and accepted- that is so far from how my loving God acts. He gives love FREELY to all who come to Him. He already loves you before you come, in fact, because He created you. Do you know Him?? I hope so....if you don't....it would be my pleasure to introduce you! :)

Forgiveness Part 3

2011-11-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

So, it has taken me a while to finish this up....Forgiveness- Part 3.
I wrote about forgiving yourself and forgiving others already....today is the "how" part of all of that.

I definitely can only speak for myself....as I have only experienced how I personally forgive...

I pray. I ask God to help me forgive. I sometimes have to picture myself giving the offense- or the offender to Him and then picture myself walking away. Sometimes, depending on the depth of the wound, I have to do these things repeatedly....

I sometimes have to remind myself of how often I have needed to be forgiven and how imperfect I have been- how MUCH I appreciate the grace and the mercy I have been shown. (It is much more difficult for me to feel the need to "repay" or have revenge on someone for something they have done when I realize how I could have been treated for the wrongs I have done.)

I have to remind myself that the God I know is the fullness of goodness and trustworthiness and so whatever I give to Him, He will handle in the best way! I am reminded that I am thankful it is He who has handled my own transgressions and for that I am thankful as people are not nearly as good and trustworthy as He is.

I am really not sure how people forgive when they don't know and have a relationship with God. I know some people without that relationship and knowlege who choose to hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness and they usually end up with a hardened heart and become sort of grumpy and untrusting. I am sure it is not true of everyone. But, I can only write on this topic from my own understanding and experience.

As I said in an earlier post. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying it is "ok". It is NOT "OK" that a man took my friend's life- but I can get to the point where I don't want to punish him myself because of what he did.

If you are in a relationship with a person who continually hurts you, I believe we can forgive-(not want to punish) and at the same time choose to distance ourselves a bit from the situation.Forgiving someone isn't giving them permission to walk on you like a door mat. If you recognize that being with a person who is negatively affecting the rest of your life - you cannot continue to be brought down like that. It is my opinion that we have a duty in this life to try to be positive, loving, encouraging, and a light- we cannot do this when we are constantly being brought down by negativity, hate, discouragement and darkness. So, sometimes, in order that we may continue to do our duty, we have to separate ourselves from the other.

I am thankful to know God. I am thankful to know the love and forgiveness he offers to me and everyone else! He is how I have been able to forgive others and He is how I will be able to continue to forgive. I hope you know Him!

Mercy Interrupts with PRAYER....

2011-11-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

I am one of those people who likes to understand people. I thought about going into counseling, social work and therapy for a while because of this...It also drives me to take "tests"- you know, personality tests, strength tests, spiritual gift tests...

Well, Mercy is my number one Spiritual Gift.

1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.

2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.

3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.

4. Alleviation of distress; relief: Taking in the refugees was an act of mercy

I am full of compassion. I love people. I want to help people. I am used to people feeling comfortable with me and having pretty deep relationships as I am also a "relator" on the strengths test and so developing relationships is part of who I am and how I work.

In the not so far away, I have had a couple friendships that were fairly new and those friendships were quickly spreading thru my heart and into my life.

Suddenly, the relationship came to an abrubt stand still. I was left with next to no information. But, that friend that was feeling like a new kindred spirit- was suddenly "ripped" away.

I began internalizing. I began thinking the person(s) I was caring so much about, just didn't like me anymore. I was feeling like I must have done something wrong. I wondered why this happened?? I. I. I. I. I. I. I......

It soon became apparent in both instances, that somehow, I made the situations all about me. Why?? In reality, the individuals I was dealing with were having some very major challenges in their lives that really had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! But, I was determined that they were all about me.

I guess, it is selfishness. A self-centered issue. I feel like a toddler as I write this- you know....thinking that the world revolves around me...?

In the midst of all of this, I felt nudged to pray for the person. This was a HUGE help. Praying shifted me away from me. Praying made me really feel for them and whatever their situation was- whether I knew what it was or not- and I didn't! But, it didn't matter so much anymore that I felt...it mattered that THEY felt. THEY had needs. That THEY were important. That THEY were loved and would come out of whatever was going on for the better.

Life feels so much better when it's not all about me. Life is so much nicer when instead of thinking the worst and worrying, I am hoping and wanting the best and trusting that God is good and he will take care of everything if I just have faith and try to love others and think of them before myself!

Some Turmoil Turned Around

2011-11-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

I interrupt the Forgiveness series to share with you a little turmoil turned around!

Lately, I have been getting an incredible sense of loneliness.

I have told people about it. Posted on FB about it. I have asked people to pray concerning it. I have cried out loud about it. I have prayed myself and pondered why, in such a friendly place- and knowing so many people in such a short time- have I not had that "click"? I have been feeling pretty desperate about it....

We were fortunate enough as a family unit living in Plainfield, Illinois to have wonderful neighbors in our neighborhood that we could hang out with at the drop of a hat!
We had 2 families in Canton, Ohio that were like extended family to my family. We did weekends together, holidays...sometimes even school nights!
We were very close with 2 families in Pryor, Oklahoma as well. They became like family to us almost instantly as we were over 1000 miles away from our own.
Before that, we were in Columbus, Ohio and we were fabulous friends with a family with 3 boys when we had 3 girls. Again, like extended family!

You get the idea, I am sure! We got it in our heads, that where ever we lived, there would undoubtedly be someone that this connection would happen with.

Here, we have definitely made friends. But not the same kind. Very loving people, for sure, but no one we hang out with nearly every weekend consistently. No one we do holidays with. It is different. For a while, I had been looking at this as a bad thing....

It has been harder for me than my husband as he is a salesman and likes lots of people and has friends- but I am more intimate with people, I guess you could say. I LOVE spending one-on-one time. Talking. Laughing. Sharing life with others on a regular basis.

But, today, I feel like I had somewhat of a revelation!! Today, I feel like as bleak as things have seemed to me- they may not be so bad after all!

Today, I realized, that with only a couple more years with my oldest before she goes to college, and a few before the next goes...maybe what I am supposed to do with that feeling of loneliness is to spend it with my FAMILY. Have a coffee date with my girls. Go on more dates with my husband.
If we were going to spend $50 inviting another family over for dinner- why not just take our family to see a movie we have been wanting to see instead?

This could be a remarkable opportunity for The Neu Crew! I cannot wait to see how this all turns out now.... I will keep you posted! :)

Forgiveness Part 2

2011-11-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

What about forgiving yourself??

Since we are all imperfect, we ALL mess up! Sometimes, we do it on accident. Sometimes, we do wrong KNOWINGLY.

In my humble opinion, it is pretty easy to firgive yourself when you have done something wrong accidentally; however, when you know something is wrong and do it anyway, it is a little more difficult to forgive yourself.

I say this, picture your best friend, of someone else you love tremendously having done the same thing(s), and then looking back and feeling remorse- wishing they hadn't done it or said it, and seeking to be forgiven.

WOULD YOU FORGIVE THEM???

If you said, "Yes"- then put that same perspective on you and your situation. FORGIVE YOURSELF!!

Since, ALL OF US ARE IMPERFECT- we are ALL going to need forgiveness. Yes, that includes the one writing this and the one reading it! :)

Forgiveness Part 1

2011-11-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

THIS seems like a HUGE topic....
although, it isn't really that ginormous when you break it down!
So, I am gonna try to break it down, yo! lol
Many people think that in forgiving another person, you are saying that what they did is OK.

NOT TRUE!!!!!!

What is actually happening within forgiveness is that you are not requiring or wanting revenge- or justice for what happened.

I have struggled with this in my life with people on many different levels. I have needed to learn to forgive wrong that was done by way of heart-break, death, physical abuse, verbal mistreatment, judgemental attitudes...some things that were intentional and some that were not. My struggles are the same as everyone else on the planet. We have all been wronged- we are all imperfect!

In some instances these wrongs were realized by the other person(s) involved and they sought out my forgiveness. In some instances, they never realized their part -or if they did, simply didn't care enough to seek the forgiveness.

I am FAR from perfect. But, I have been looking at, dealing with, and praying about forgiveness since early this past spring. Probably almost 9 months. I can honestly say that at this moment in time, I feel I have forgiven every person in every situation as far back as I can remember and as recent as this morning, at this moment. :)

It is a GREAT feeling, being at a place of forgiveness, as harboring unforgiveness makes me restless...makes me feel a sense of discontentment...and brings me to a place of almost torment inside at times with feelings of resentment and unfinished business. It makes me UGLY.

The thing about forgiveness is that it can be a reoccurring event. Being imperfect beings, we can have moments where we slip back and those old wounds are reopened and we have to forgive once again.

But, it is worth it! FAR better than the alternative- When I don't forgive, on the outside it is apparent, as I have nothing nice to say about the other person. I may have nothing but ugly words to say to the person or about the person. I may hate the thought of even being in their presence- or picture dumping a bucket of ice cold water over their head out in the snow- or even slapping them across the face in my mind. On the indside I am churning...thinking over and over again about the situation- unable to let it go- unable to move on. Inside I am stuck. IT IS UGLY!

It is poison!

It is poison to us...not to the other person when we harbor unforgiveness....
The other person, as I stated earlier, may not even realize that they have done wrong- or they may just not care. If that is the case- the only person being damaged by the torment going on in your mind and body over the issue at hand is YOU!

Why do that to yourself????? :)

Insecurity .... Don't Let It!

2011-09-30T07:32:00.001-07:00

This week I have been thinking a lot about insecurity. The topic came up in a Beth Moore Bible study I am doing with some wonderful women that I am friends with.

According to the free online dictionary it means
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful:

2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe:

3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady:

4. a. Lacking stability; troubled: b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety:

The thing about insecurity is seems to affect everyone in some way at some point in life.

It would also seem that most of it begins in our formative years when we depend on someone and they somehow do not meet the need for which we were depending on them. But, it can happen throughout life.

Basically, since we are all human- which means none of us is perfect- we are bound to let someone else down- even when we try our best not to. But, depending on how severe the let down- or how often it happened- this could have a lot to do with just how insecure an individual becomes and/ or how long it takes them to become more secure.

The very troubling thing about insecurity is that it does nothing but destroy. I think I agree completely with Beth in that insecurity leads to JEALOUSY, ENVY, MANIPULATION, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, PROMISCUITY, UNBELIEF, and I have already added FEAR, LACK OF TRUST, and SKEPTICISM to that list.... all of these things cause breakdown in relationships we have with other people....and that break down in relationship leads to more insecurity....it seems it is somewhat of a vicious cycle...

Have you ever noticed a person who seems to be pretty secure about themselves? A lot of times those who are more insecure just cannot handle that person. They seem to have a hard time even wanting a relationship with a very secure person as it seems to scare them. Maybe because they have to face their insecurities instead of ignoring them- maybe in the light of security, they know it is bound to show just how insecure they themselves really are.

I lived a good portion of my life in insecurity. And, honestly, it can still be a struggle - insecurity has shown itself in my life in a fear of not living up to someone's expectations, or being abandoned- which has either made me choose to not even try at a relationship- or try too much! It has caused a lack of trust -formed on the basis of history with others- not with the one- which is unfair to the one....

I remember even coming in contact myself with those very secure people - which used to make me shy away and feel "not good enough"- now I LOVE to be around secure people as they inspire me!! And when you hang out with secure people, you discover that they are just like everyone else- except for the way they look at and handle mistakes and failures and fears. They are more optimistic and handle themselves and their lives as such....especially the valleys.....

Insecurity breeds breakdown. Breakdown of relationships and self-image....and often other-image. I think the best way to combat it is to look insecurity in the eye and NOT BACK DOWN.

Picture insecurity as a piece of splintery wood. As you sand it down-it takes strength and consistency to go back and forth with and against the grain of it's wood without fearing splinters! It may start off prickly and a little difficult- you may get stuck a couple times (remember that splinters can be pulled out) , but ultimately, your life will just be so much more smooth- your relationships will be so much better- you will feel so much better- not having to live with it rubbing against- and sticking you all the time!

Don't let insecurity destroy all the beauty around you- the beauty of relationship, of things available for you to try, to see, to do! Insecurity breeds- but you have the power to stop it!

"Given the Chance, I Hope You DANCE!"

2011-09-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

Dancing....that is something I have always absolutely loved! I grew up in rather poor conditions, so I never really was able to go take classes to learn to dance- but I ALWAYS immitated those I saw dancing!

I recently became a member of something called "CREW" at our church- http://www.rmcc.org/ - Rocky Mountain Christian Church. I had been a part of Rush Hour- http://www.rushhourcolorado.com/ as a character- actress, playing the roll of mother to a very roudy, but sweet boy- "Vinny"- as "Mrs. T.".

That has been an awesome experience- and challanged me in a number of ways. Memorization, speaking publically, not laughing my head off while on stage at the hilarious actions and words that go on all in the midst of getting a message about a virtue across to children and their parents..... to name a few. ;)

This season, though- I get to DANCE as well as play Mrs. T.! I auditioned in the spring for "crew" the group of people that dance during the Rush Hour production. I wasn't sure if this was wise or not as practices are Wednesdays and performances are Sunday mornings- which happen to be 2 of the 3 days I am off from teaching Zumba...BUT!

WOW!! Last night, being on that stage- or even in the room- and dancing my heart out- jumping around, singing, smiling- what an incredible feeling!!! Often times as Christians, we "hold back" and don't just really LET GO and PRAISE God with our EVERYTHING- but last night, I was able to let go! My entire body just bounced around in joy praising God!

I cannot help but reflect on that child-like, excited, energetic and joyful feeling that I had in dancing last night, this morning! As I think about dancing- as happy as I know I always am to see people let go and move- I can only imagine the God who made our bodies and minds and how he must feel to see us-his children of any age- just let go in joyfulness with all that we are and praise Him!! It brings a tear to my eye. Tears of joy and thankfulness that I have found a place that expressing in this way is not only acceptable- but WANTED. :)

So, much of this life is spent staying in the lines- and what we think others will think prohibits us from doing what we love or feel moved to do. Prohibits us from just letting our hair down and having fun! I feel so blessed right now to be a part of something that encourages just that! Truly, truly blessed and so overwhelmed and humbled that I GET to do it!

Below are some scriptures just showing that God MUST enjoy our dancing bodies! He made them so they COULD dance, after all! So, if you are given the chance, I hope you DANCE!!!! :)

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
Psalm 30:11 (NIV)

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
Ecclesiastes 3:4 (KJV)

"Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs"
Psalm 150:4 (KJV)

"Let them praise his name in the dance: let them
sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp."
Psalm 149:3 (KJV)

"And David danced before the LORD with all his might;
and David was girded with a linen ephod."
2 Samuel 6:14 (KJV)

You Can't ALways Get What You Want- (Expectations....)

2011-08-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

There has been a recurring theme in my life over the summer. (Yeah, it has been that long since I have written in this blog.)

The thing is that I have been learning about EXPECTATIONS. Expectations are hopes or sometimes even demands, in a sense, that we put on ourselves and others. What has been becoming very clear to me is that seldom are our expectations met when we put them on others.

I think there are reasons for this. For one thing, no two human beings are exactly alike. No one is put on this earth to do exactly the same thing as another.Our expectations, at least my own expectations, are usually formed based on what I think I would do- how I think I would or would not handle a situation.... The truth of the matter, though, is that since no one else is my clone- or exact copy- more than likely, the way they think and the way they act will not be the same as me.

I am not sure I would always want everyone else to handle things the way I would. Honestly, even the expectations I have of myself lead to disappointment when I realize in hind-sight that I could have and should have handled something differently. If I don't even always live up to my own hopes/ expectations- how can I justify placing those expectations on another.

Even if I place an expectation on another, I have to understand that-- guess what?? THEY ARE ONLY HUMAN!!! We humans are IMPERFECT!! People will always let eachother down because of that imperfectioon- if perfection is what we are expecting....

In excluding seeking perfection, even having high hopes, or placing demands on others...who am I to do that?? I have my own issues to deal with. I have my own road I am trying to stay on and obey the rules of....do I really have time to police everyone else?? I don't even think it comes close to my job description- after all, do I really know WHY anyone else was put on this planet? Sometimes, I have enough trouble figuring out what my own reason for being here is. I am not about to begin telling other people how to do their job- when I don't know what their job may REALLY be...

I do believe that in some situations there is just a clash. There are people that just do not work well together. I don't think bad-mouthing, or trying to force another to change is helpful at all in those situations. In truth, it will probably just make things worse for all involved. In those instances, sometimes the best option is just creating space- or distance. Allowing them to continue their journey and allowing yourself to continue yours....PEACEFULLY, without resentment or condemnation....

One other thing I have noticed, is people -including myself- when putting personal demands and expectations on others are often the most unhappy people- the most discouraged- the angriest. I don't want to live that way. Do you??

How to Save a Life...

2011-05-19T06:30:00.002-07:00

Wow. Angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Sad.
You learn that someone you had contact with every week, was so hurting and so desperate in this life that they took their own life.
You wonder how you didn't realize it.
You wonder why you didn't spend more time with them- especially when they invited you.
You remember two other people that you knew and cared about and you remember the phone call from one and the hurt and the pain and rushing over to their house to find them collapsed and .... you called the ambulance and they went to the hospital and had charcoal pushed into their stomach...and they were fragile...but they lived.
You remember the other person- how you didn't know where they were- why they weren't where they said they would be and you found them at the hotel they were living in - saw them sprawled out on the bed through the little piece of curtain that was somehow pulled back a bit...and you knew. you just knew. But you got there in time and the ambulance came and this friend lived....she was in the hospital for a while...but she lived....
This time, you didn't know. How could you? you weren't as involved.
"Don't blame yourself", you heard him say through your tears and sporadic breathing... but you are thinking to yourself..."I should have noticed. I should have taken time from my busy life to spend time with her. She wanted to hang out. I did, too. BUT, I didn't make time."
"How to Save a Life" is a song I cannot get out of my head.....
oh how i wish i could run right now...i would run and run and run and not stop until i ran out of tears...out of pain...out of sadness....out of guilt....i cannot run.....so i write...and i cry...and i cry....and shake my head....
Angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Sad.

Learning Through Loss

2011-05-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have no picture to put here...just words that express my thoughts and feelings about a rather sad topic.

Experiencing the death of a loved one happened to me for the first time around the age of 7, when my grandpa died.

When I reflect on the people I have lost, I sometimes think people may be afraid to befriend me if they knew the amount.

There are acquaintances, family, and best friends, and friends on my list and each touched my life through their living and again through their dying.

Through the loss of my grandparents- which I was blessed that most stayed around until I was an adult and had all of my children- I learned the importance of legacy. I learned that which we pass along to our children and our children's children is of the utmost importance. I learned to love in a very unconditional and personal way that I think one learns best as they age.

Through the loss of two of my best friends- one in elementary school who was killed while biking on a ride she invited me to go on, and one from high school who was murdered after we both had kids- I learned that death sometimes is so brutally unexpected and can end a relationship before you ever imagined you would have to let it go.

My niece, who was just 12 days younger than my oldest daughter, died when she was 9. This reminded me and taught me that as adults, we should never take a child for granted. And that sometimes, life lasts for a much shorter time than anyone would ever guess....and how unfair that seems.

A great uncle of mine passed, and though he was such a sweet man, I learned how ugly people can sometimes become when someone they love passes.

As I said, there are more deaths- but I will not get into each one. I will simply say this: with each person's passing, whether expected or not, I have experienced some degree of guilt. Some denial. Some anger. Some fear. Some depression.

I have realized or been reminded each time how much and how often I can take life and those people in my life for granted.

I have also come to the conclusion that death was not what we were made for as people. We were made as eternal beings and that means there should be NO END. I believe this is what makes death so difficult. Being left here without the ones we love. We feel an end that should not be.

The recent passing of a friend from one of my Zumba classes came as a complete shock to me. I try to make my classes a place where people can come and set aside life's troubles. I try to make it a healthy, happy place. And, I think it is. But, the death of this friend, reminded me that we never know when we encounter another- what their story is...so it has become even more important to me now to make sure I do what I can for each person I encounter. To give a message of hope and love and happiness. A smile, some encouraging words.... It doesn't take a lot to let others know they and whatever it is they are going though, is important. That they matter. That you care.

I have heard it said,

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo F. Buscaglia quotes

My friend's daughter told me that when she saw me, she pictured her mom in my Zumba class, smiling and laughing and having such a good time. She probably has no idea how very thankful I was and am to hear that. Because I DO care. People are what matters most on this planet and I want the people I come in contact with to know that.

The Ying Yang of Life

2011-05-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

If I had never been lied to, I would not appreciate truth so much.

If I had never been lonely, I wouldn't appreciate company as much.

If I had never been used, I wouldn't appreciate truly being cherished.

If I had never been really sad, I wouldn't appreciate being so very happy.

If I had never experienced loss, I wouldn't appreciate all that I have.

If I had never made mistakes, I wouldn't appreciate forgiveness.

If I had never been frightened, I wouldn't appreciate security.

If I had never been hated or disliked, I wouldn't appreciate love.

If I had never been sick, I wouldn't appreciate being healthy.

If I had never been hurt, I wouldn't appreciate tenderness as much.

If I had never been bored, I wouldn't appreciate activity so much.

If had never experienced and seen ugly, I would not appreciate beauty as much.

Even the not so pleasant and sometimes very painful things of this life have a greater purpose....don't forget to look toward what you have learned to appreciate because of the negative in life...then you may, in some strange way, even appreciate the negative.

Reflections on Mother's Day of What My Momma Taught Me....

2011-05-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

Two winters ago, my mom was unemployed and was going to some place that was helping her in her jobless situation. While there she met many different people. A few of the people she met were jobless and homeless.

She had been living in a cheap place- it was really all she could afford without a job- and in the midst of her staying there, she became aware that a homeless veteran was ill and not being treated very considerately at the homeless shelter he would go to in order to survive the cold winter nights.

My mom did not judge this guy. My mom had compassion on him. She decided to switch places with him. She gave him her warm, albeit, tiny space that she was paying for with her minimal income and she went to the homeless shelter. She didn't ask for anything from him. She didn't even make it public knowledge that she was doing this. Her own kids didn't even know....

I have been thinking about this because tomorrow is Mother's day. I have chosen to go walk a 5K with my family to celebrate as it goes toward helping the homeless in Denver....and there are perks to go along- food and fun after, t-shirts, and ticket vouchers to a Rockies game later.

I know I have learned many things from many people....but I am thankful this Mother's Day that I learned to be both- nonjudgemental and compassionate in great part- because of my beautiful mother!

THANKS MOM! I love you!

Closing the Closet! What it all means....

2011-05-03T18:46:00.001-07:00

Well, now you know some more junk about me. (That is, if you read the two blog posts previous to this one!)

Today was the big day. The closet was fixed and I was able to put everything that I decided to keep back inside- according to its kind and color. So happy! Now, I can relax in my bedroom again as there is no mess all around...I can close my closet and open it to find everything very easily- right at my finger-tips....

BUT, this did not just happen. Did it? I went through the realization that there was stuff I was trying to hold onto that I really needed to get rid of. When I finally conviced myself to clear out the stuff that I thought was there just in case and bringing me comfort- I realized that in actuality, it wasn't bringing me comfort! It was making a mess- and causing me stress!! PHEW! How nice it is to have gotten rid of that baggage- cleaned up the mess and now have all that I need (and more still, actually) and so little stress!!

I have a little life comparison here- sometimes in life, we hold onto things because we feel safe with them where they are- it is what we are used to.... Even when it isn't good for us it is causing our lives stress and unneccesary mess. When we get rid of the junk causing the mess- we can breathe easier. We have less stress and less mess.

What is it in your life that you need to get rid of? What has been causing you stress and a mess? Will you do it? Will you part with what you know and are finding comfort in because you know it needs to be done? It isn't always easy- but oh it feels good when it is over!

Coming Out of the Closet part 2

2011-05-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I went thru the stuff in my closet. I have about a total of 6-7 garbage bags of stuff that I will not be putting back in there!

It was hard getting rid of some of it. You know-- it was weighing down the closet bar and causing it to break-but it was my stuff- I was comfortable with it and it was there- just in case- and I had memories that were made while wearing some of those clothes... or memories of who gave me the clothes.... But, I kept telling myself. You don't NEED all this stuff in your life! This stuff is just giving you a head-ache by the broken mess it is creating. GET RID OF IT! And so I did.

Now, I have everything piled on my shelf that belongs there- it is neatly folded and orderly- and this makes me happy. However, I have been waiting - the closet bar now needs replaced and some wood needs rehung and we are going to secure a third bracket in the middle of the long bar to ensure this mess doesn't happen again. So, I still have quite a pile of hang-up clothes on the loveseat. I am trying to be patient. I realize that sometimes it takes time for everything to be right again, once we have been in the middle of a mess....and so it is the case with this. But, I can now see that I have done what needed to be done to clean up the mess- to make arrangements for this mess not to happen again. I wait as patiently as I can to hang everything back up and get on with life as I know it- not in a broken mess! :)

Coming out of the Closet

2011-04-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

Well, you see, one thing on my list of things to do when I gave up FB for 40 days, was to clean out my closet. I was feeling like I had too much. I actually was pretty poor as a young girl and have found there are certain things I tend to hold onto as an adult because of this.

One thing is food. DON'T touch my food. If it's on my plate- it is mine and I ain't into sharing~! Also, I always like to have back-ups on hand. You know gotta have an extra ketchup, mustard, salad dressing, mayo...don't want to run out. I eat most everything in a unique and loving way and I sometimes hide food to ensure I get some- and no one else eats it!

The other thing is my clothing. I have been given clothes- hand-me-downs- and for whatever reason, I may not really like them, but I keep them- just in case. I have clothes that don't fit me- but I keep them-just in case. I have clothes that are ancient- but I keep them just in case. LOL

So, getting back to the point, I went through and got rid of a couple bags of clothing from my big closet. It is not walk-in, but it is actually 2 closets with a long shelf over top. I used every inch of the bar for hang up clothing and then folded clothes on the shelf above. I have shoes and bags on the floor of it.- And, yes, they go all the way across as well.

It felt good to have gotten rid of some things. The next day, I slid open the door and I went to grab something off the hanger. I knew exactly where to grab as all of my things are hanging up according to likeness and color. Low and behold, it wasn't there. I looked, and to my dismay, NOTHING was there! I looked down and there was the bar, with all of the clothing, laying on the floor! UGH!

Frustrated, I called my husband and told him about the ordeal. I took most things out of the closet because some wood actually broke and the bar was bent...

He fixed things up and I began to hang thing up again. I got about half way through (after deciding not to hang up my wedding dress or heavy wool winter coat) and as I walked away I heard a big CRASH! NO! The bar had fallen again AND the shelf had come undone!! "WHAT??!!" I said, "I give up!"

I walked over and looked at the clothes on the floor of the closet again. I looked at the clothes on the loveseat beside the bed. I shook my head. I still had so much! Was he seriously telling me I should get rid of more? (He had made the comment after the first fix and second fall...)

Well, I had been in a state of refusal. I refused to understand how this closet which held more of my clothes over the past 8 months, could suddenly not be capable of withstanding the load! I was determined that I had gotten rid of enough. I liked keeping my clothes. There was comfort, somehow in knowing I had so much.

My husband was going to have one or two friends come and give him some pointers on how to fix the problem. I began thinking about the possibility of them teasing me when they witnessed all that I had and I became embarrasses and ....Then it hit me. I am tired of living in a messy clothes-filled room. I am tired of my closet breaking. I should not have so many clothes that I KNOW others would look and be amazed and possibly think I had a problem....I set out to give clothes to people who really NEEDED some- not some "just in case" but really actually NEEDED....and I had kept soooo much!

I am going to make myself change. I am going to go through and get rid of anything I have not worn in the past year. THAT should get rid of a lot of clothes!

Isn't this how we are though? We get comfortable. We like to keep comfortable. Even when what is bringing us comfort is breaking, causing problems, making a mess....we want to keep it....for some reason....

The next entry from me will be different. It will be pictures of a neat and tidy, fixed closet- with LESS. It will be of my experience and emotions as I cleaned it up and got a little uncomfortable...by getting rid of an old habit.....

Yes- it will be more about me coming out of the closet with this embarrassing part of me and my living...and hopefully, it will inspire someone not to feel so bad about their own issues.... :)

Sometimes the Best Things Cannot Be Planned...by Us

2011-04-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

The girls and I recently finished reading Anne of Green Gables. We decided to watch the movie and eat popcorn to celebrate!

It was such a good story with powerful life lessons in it throughout- but I think a huge life lesson can be found that seems almost like a thread that is weaved through the story from beginning to end.

Anne came into the lives of Marilla and Matthew sort of unexpectedly. Yes, they knew they would be taking in an orphan- but they were expecting (wanting) a boy. There plans were to have a young man who could do some manual labor and work hard with Matthew.

Anne was a frail young girl. The only thing big about her was the gift of gab that she possessed! It was clear from the start that she was not what they were looking for.

To Anne, however, Marilla and Matthew and Green Gables was just what she wanted. More than she expected and where she really wanted to be and stay.

Three different perspectives...Anne was happy with what she had from the beginning there with them. Matthew seemed like he was not far behind in recognizing that maybe what he had thought he wanted or was hoping for, wasn't meant to be and that maybe Anne was just what was needed in their lives. He didn't seem so "hell-bent" if you will, on having things the way he planned. Marilla, on the other hand- it seemed to take longer for her. She was somewhat a "take charge" "planning" kind of person.

For those of us with that kind of personality, we understand that sometimes when our best-laid plans- our hopes- our desires- or even our dreams go awry- we can take a little longer to accept the new way... the unplanned... the unknown...

I am by nature a planner. I have been as long as I can remember. Planning everything- names, vacations, schedules, meals, budgets. I enjoy knowing what is in store. I enjoy thinking and figuring things out.

This year so far, though, has handed me things one-by-one that I have been very shocked by. Things that were not in my plan, my hopes, my dreams. I am learning that something I have lacked in this life has been the ability to just surrender and relax and know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. That undoubtedly there is a reason for it...and it will all work out for some sort of good.

In the story- we all come to find out that not only were the Cuthberts and Green Gables a wonderful blessing to Anne- just what she needed to flourish in this life- SHE was exactly what THEY needed as well. Ahhhhh..... I love a happy ending! :) How much sweeter life is, when we learn to just be grateful for what has been given to us and truly appreciate our blessings and allow them to work in our lives, instead of trying to figure it all out on our own!

LOVE always PERSEVERES

2011-04-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

This is to persevere: To persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.

As I watched the Passion of the Christ last night, It was not the first time I had watched. It was not the second. But somehow last night as I watched, I was overwhelmed in thinking about how calmly Jesus acted in the midst of betrayal. How calm he stood before His accusers. How calm he was as they antagonized and spit on him and attacked his character. As he received the flogging, he was in pain at the very least, for sure- pieces of his flesh being ripped from His body- and he was calm. As he hung on the cross- a tortureous, humiliating death suitable for the worst kinds of criminals- he actually prayed for the people who put Him there. He prayed and asked for them to be forgiven for they didn't realize what they were doing. This was a huge demonstration of remaining constant for a purpose in the face of obstacles....perseverance.

No one really questions whether of not Jesus existed. They do, however, question who He really was. Who was this man that history has recorded as doing many wonderful things while here- and making a lot of people very angry while he was here- and while being innocent of any real crime- was killed as a criminal while here- and then was unable to be found in the tomb he was burried? Some people dismiss Him of being anyone important at all.

There are eye-witness, recorded accounts of people who saw this man after He was raised from the dead. Of these people who saw Him, many are recorded as dying later (martyrs) because of their belief in Him. If I was going to question who He was...all I would have to do, really, is look to the ones who believed so strongly in who He was, because they were with Him the whole time. They were there while he performed miracles and preached, while he was persecuted and stayed so calm, when he died and was burried, and when he rose from the dead and showed Himself to them.

Some were crucified like Jesus. Some were crucified upside-down. Some died by the sword or spear. Why would any of them die for a person that was a liar? No, I believe they believed so strongly as they saw Jesus set on his course of love for others. Giving up Himself completely, in all humility, as a sacrifice for all and then, after dying, being raised from the dead- just as He said.

"No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded." John 10:18.

If he wasn't who He said He was, and He didn't do what has been recorded in History, and I had been following Him, I would have been embarrassed. I would not have wanted to be associated with it all. I would never have died for Him - or because of my belief in Him. Why would they?

But, He did what He did. He died like He did. He was ressurrected like He was, so that we could be forgiven. So that we could know that kind of selfless love and try to implement, in our own lives, the kind of love that He demonstrated. LOVE THAT PERSEVERES.

LOVE ALWAYS HOPES!!

2011-04-16T19:22:00.002-07:00

HOPE defined:
1.To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.

2. To expect and desire.

How fitting! I just went to see the movie "Soul Surfer" today with some of my family and some friends.

The movie (in case you don't know) is about Bethany Hamilton. She was a young surfer who had ambitions of going pro. Then, one day, as she was hanging out in the ocean on her board with a friend, a shark came and took one of her arms. It was a miracle she survived because she lost 60% of her blood. But, that wasn't where the story ended at all.

She believed (hoped) that she could do all things through Christ who strengthened her. (Phil 4:13- I believe) She believed (hoped), and when she would get discouraged, her family had that hope for her. She went on to compete as a competitive pro surfer with that one arm and she inspired thousands of people along the way!

One thing I loved that she said in the movie went something like, "I wouldn't change a thing because I have been able to reach out to so many people that I never would have been able to with two arms."

In LOVE....there is always HOPE. Even in our darkest moments. LOVE ALWAYS HOPES!

LOVE ALWAYS HOPES. When we love someone, we want to see thier dreams come true. We wish the BEST for them and we have confidence in them!

Love Always TRUSTS

2011-04-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

Trust- Trust- Trust-
This one is not easy for me....
Have you gotten the feeling that none of this LOVE stuff is all that easy for me?

TRUST- 1.Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. 2. Custody; care. 3.Something committed into the care of another

I believe it is easy to understand why this part of love is hard for me.

For me to put firm reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person or thing means that I would be putting my faith in their integrity, ability or character. I mean, I have been around the block a few times, and it didn't take me long to learn that other people, when given that reliance, or given my heart, or given my vulnerability in that I really open up to them- I can end up being let down. Hurt. Disappointed. I can walk away feeling like they really didn't care as much as I thought. Or that I should just take care of myself, because I am sure that I will try really hard not to let myself get hurt or let down....

The truth of the matter though, as I say all of that out loud, is that most of the people in my life who have let me down are human beings...on a path...fighting the good fight..TRYING. I am a human being...the same goes for me and even though I want to protect myself, sometimes I hurt myself through poor choices. Sometimes I let myself down and I disappoint myself.

If I really chose not to trust those around me, I would be choosing to live in complete seclusion. That pain would be deeper than any other, if you ask me. I have to trust- but the level of trust I give another person is always going to depend on how TRUSTWORTHY they have been. I have to make the smart decisions not to just spill my soul to a complete stranger and then expect that I am in good hands! Trust develops over time. Trust is valuable and should not be taken lightly.

In a loving relationship with another person, it is a must. How can you really open up to another- really become exposed and share your needs, desires, deepest secrets, biggest fears and best accomplishments with a person you cannot trust? And if a person has been shown that they cannot trust you, can you expect all of that from them?

NO! What we hand over to another that can put us in a place of being open for wounds by them is a precious thing. It cannot happen without LOVE. I know some people, I simply cannot trust. I care about them, but I cannot open myself up as much to them, as they have proven again and again that they will hurt me. There are others, though, that I have opened up to so much and they have proven again and again that the last thing on earth they WANT to do is to hurt me- even if occasionally it happens- it is never intentional and it is a freak thing if it happens- not an everyday occurance.

The ONE person, if you will, though, that has never let me down. Never hurt me...never disappointed me in any way- is GOD.

God IS love and He can always be trusted!

Nothing Short of a Miracle!!

2011-04-05T07:50:00.001-07:00

I went to the female doctor on April Fool's Day.

I was concerned as I had been having some different things going on with my cycle..and I noticed a lump in a breast. Figured I should go get checked out- so I did.

I wasn't prepared for the news I would receive when I went. I had already pretty much determined that I had some hormonal changes going on. (They don't think that is the problem- I am not convinced it is not. I know my body very well. I notice little changes and things that most people probably easily overlook. The human body fascinates me and I try to learn as much about how it functions as I can because of that. Everything I have read leans towards these hormonal changes happening even up to 10 years before a woman enters memopause and I believe I am right around that mark.) ANYWAY....

During my exam, she was explaining to me that sometimes, cysts, fibroids, or cancer cells can cause the kinds of issues I had been having. I was a little nervous.

Then she said, "Does this hurt?" I said, "Yes...there is a little shooting pain right there." She informed me that she felt a little mass and believed I should get it checked- ultrasound and possibly a biopsy. She continued with the exam and said , "Ok, this ovary feels fine...and so does this one. By the way, your uterus is tilted a little back."

"I know", I told her. "I found that out years ago..."

I made the appointments in their office as she had suggested. An internal ultrasound and possible biopsy right after the weekend, and a mammogram that Friday. (She agreed about the lump in my breast and felt it should also be looked into a bit more.)

I left the office and called my husband to let him know what took place and that I would be on my way to Dick's to get out T-shirts for the Rockies Home Opener which we would leave for as soon as I made it home. He answered, "Hello!" I fell apart! Weeping. Sobbing. I could barely talk. I was shocked. I was scared. BIOPSY??? What?

I was so blessed with many positive words of encouragement. Emails, texts, phone calls from friends and family that I informed what was going on and asked to keep me in their prayers, were coming in just about non-stop the rest of the day. It was such a comfort to feel so much love.

I did fine over those next couple days- I kept pretty busy. Night time was hard. I would wake up teary-eyed. I was having bad dreams. I was not resting very well at all.

Sunday, some wonderfully sweet people gathered around me after service and had me sit in the middle of the gathering in a chair. Some of them rested their hands on me. Some of them knelt beside me. I was surrounded by love. I was surrounded by faith. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I closed my eyes as tears streamed and I listened to their words as they prayed to God and asked Him to restore me to be the way I was when I was being formed by Him in my mother's womb. I listened as they called out to Him that He was GOOD and could be TRUSTED and would be GLORIFIED no matter what. I listened as they thanked Him for me and for my family. They prayed for peace. They prayed for rest. One prayed that fear had no sting and that he felt he could hear my victoious laughter as God would be glorified and everything would be fine.I prayed and thanked Him for all the love that surrounded me. I thanked Him for being the great I AM- always with us. The Gentle Healer. I prayed that I could lay down everything before Him- just give my worries, fears, burdens, joys, sorrows, life- everything to Him and leave it there with His help. I could hear some others crying- mostly my daughters.

After, dear friends reminded us of a story they had told us before of their daughter whose body was calcifying inside. They had x-rays that showed it. They took her back and had more x-rays and the doctor looked at them and saw nothing. He said, "Why are you here again?" God had healed her!

Later that day, some other dear friends who had been part of that prayer time, brought a fleece blanket to our house. You know, the kind you tie all the way around. Baseballs on one side (their family) basketballs on the other (our family). They attached a note that said as each knot was tied, a prayer was said. I snuggled with that blanket and as I did, I remembered and treasured all the prayers I knew had been and were being said on my behalf.

I slept with that blanky that night. I slept so well. No bad dreams. No waking up with tears.
I went into the doctor's office Monday morning after teaching my morning Zumba class at Curves and as the doctor looked around he said, "I don't see anything." I smiled and looked at my husband each time he said it. I knew prayers had been answered! He actually even told me that my uterus wasn't even tilting back. "WOW! Praise God!", was all I could think!

The power of prayer is amazing. I see this whole thing as nothing short of a miracle. I believe! I believe and I am thankful! SO thankful!

I still have a mammogram to go to on Friday. But, I have such a sense of peace. God IS in control. I CAN and DO trust Him. I already talked to Him about this before, when I was scared and unsure. No matter what He allows in my life from this point on- I am going to - with His help- serve Him by loving others and lifting Him up. I wish to leave those around me feeling better, feeling blessed, feeling joy and peace and love. That will be my life's goal from here on out!

Life, my friends, is nothing short of a miracle!!

One Thing Remains

2011-04-03T18:21:00.001-07:00

Yesterday it was so hot; we were sitting outside in shorts and flip flops and we were getting tan- even sweating!
Today it is so cold it is snowing!
Life is like that. Nothing is constant. Everything changes.

Well, wait. "One thing remains."

Yes...in all the uncertainty that goes along with this life we live, I find one constant. One thing that never changes. A perfect love.

Higher than the mountains that I face.
Stronger than the power of the grave.
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing remains,
One thing remains

Your love never fails -It never gives up
It never runs out on me.

Because on and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul.
And I never, ever,
Have to be afraid

One thing remains,
One thing remains

In death, in life,
I'm confident and covered
by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid,
There's nothing that can separate
My heart from Your great love

That's my song right now. I am thankful that one thing remains. :)

Emotions and Thoughts Running Wild

2011-04-02T05:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up early and felt like this all must have been a dream....

Waves tossing, thoughts crossing.
Head spinning, mind racing.
Nothing is guaranteed. Is all the sin catching up to me?

I rely on grace, love, mercy. Has it run out?
When she told me I DID have a lump- it made it real- it wasn't just me. I AM human. I AM frail.

Then, there was more. I had no idea THAT was in store. What do you mean there is something else?
How can that be? How can that be?

I am on my knees. I am on my knees. God, have mercy on me.
You have blessed me so much, I don't want to give that all up.
I know I have taken things for granted. I know I have been less than thankful more than some of the time.
But, the reality is that I AM THANKFUL. I AM BLESSED.

I feel this opression. This finger pointing at me telling me to cower...to run...to sink...
I tell this finger- "NO". I cannot give in. I will not give in. I am strong. I am going to turn away from fear- or maybe face it- and I am going to overcome.

"This is just a lump. That is just a thing. My God has my back. My God loves me. My God will give me peace. YOU cower."

Maybe this was just what I needed. Maybe I just needed to understand more fully how precious life is- how much I am loved and how much I love.

I am on my knees. I am feeling so human...so frail...so uncertain....But somehow, when I get back on my knees I feel strength. I feel peace. I feel courage. I feel His love. I feel His mercy. I feel His grace.

Love Always Protects

2011-03-30T07:15:00.001-07:00

I can remember walking into a room and seeing my little brother climbing on a big book case that was starting to lean in toward him as he climbed. I ran in and put myself under it's weight and held it there on top of us as I called to my mom for help. I didn't even have to think about it. I loved that little guy and wasn't about to let anything hurt him.

Now, I am older and I have my own children and it seems that since they have come into my life, I have stumbled on a whole new level of protection. I am protective over them in every way possible. I protect their feelings, by being careful of how and what I say to and about them. I protect their brains as much as I can by what I allow in to influence them such as music and TV. I protect their bodies through cautioning them and teaching them about safety, as well as setting limits for what they can and cannot do. I am so much more cautious with my own life now as I know my living is important to them.

Recently, I am learning to not protect in the same ways I used to- as I have to give them more freedom as they get older...freedoms to choose for themselves and at times, I realize there is a possibility that they will end up hurt physically or emotionally because of this. However, I offer guidance and draw lines where I can and pray they trust me enough to follow and know that I am here to protect, love and help them through. I will also be here should they choose another path and end up hurt. I will always be here....I love them.

We were talking as a family on day about this part of love. We said that as an example, if car or a bullet were coming at someone we loved, we (my husband or myself) would jump in front to take the hit for the kids or for eachother. THAT is love. Being willing to lay down your own life for the life of another.

THAT is what Jesus did for us. Similarly, the things we read about in the Bible. The rules, the guidance, the warnings are there for our protection. LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS.

The HOT TUB at the Hot Springs!

2011-03-29T07:40:00.001-07:00

Though we never were cold, as long as we were in the water, we wanted to also try out the Hot Tub- also filled with water from the Hot Springs... DELIGHTFUL! :)

Shyanna enters....

Nikayta is gonna check it out!

Hmmm...not sure Cadence is anjoying this much heat!

Mark and Tanise enter....."oooooo nice!"

More wholes in the bottom for more heat! :)

Shyanna and Cadence relax in the Bubble Chairs!

Nikayta and Tanise......

Mark- hangin out being his cool self ;) in the hot springs...

Hot Springs!

2011-03-29T07:22:00.003-07:00

Never had I been to the HOT SPRINGS before. Until this weekend! How amazing- and let me tell you, now I know where people got the idea for HOT TUBS! :) What a fun experience! One I highly recommend to anyone with any sort of adventurous spirit- or to anyone who wants to relax- or to anyone who thinks soaking in some minerals while toasty warm and enjoying the beauty surrounding you!- so, I guess you could safely say, I recommend this trip to ANYONE and EVERYONE!!

This is a picture taken the day we arrived. Looks like a big swimming pool at a country club. We were wondering why it looked so dark in the middle....turns out the bottom is unpainted cement in that portion...

Night time view of the same pool. (We were on our way home from dinner at the BrewPub) Looks soothing and relaxing....

View from up above the mountains on the tram ride...looking down into the valley...The pool still looks pretty big!

The girls got in first! LOVE the snowy mountains in the background and the steam coming off the very warm waters!

It was around 30 degrees outside when we got in!

A refreshing way to start the day!

Mark and the girls... :)

Nikayta underwater- gotta love this digital camera that can go under water without getting ruined!

Cadence!

Shyanna and I- our family is really part fish, I think! lol

Bubbles coming up between cement cracks....this is where some water right from the Hot Springs is coming in....

Looks pretty cool!

There was also a line up of these pipes that came in along the bottom center of the pool where more hot water from the springs entered.... ;)

Moving on to the next post- which will offer insights from the other pool- which was hotter- about 102 degrees...and even more like a Hot Tub! :)

Falling In Love Again -While Unplugged

2011-03-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks, I have been unplugging more and more from much of the technological side of life. Not tweeting much, facebook- what's that? lol and this weekend, we went on a little three day get-away, and I felt compelled to leave the laptop and the cell phone behind.

In fact, the family left them behind. We had some old fashioned family time together....lots of singing, talking, hanging out with eachother face- to- face.

We went to a town nestled in the valleys of the Rocky Mountains, in part- Glenwood Springs. Without the distractions of technology, I felt such relaxation....such peace....it really helped bring me back to my roots, in a way, I guess. I found myself imagining many wonderful things as I took in the splender and beauty of the Rocky Mountains, and I thoroughly enjoyed the people most dear to my heart on this earth- my husband and our four beautiful daughters.

So much so, that I could not stop thinking on my way home about how refreshed and new I felt. how grateful. How amazed and how loved. I feel at home here in this amazing state, more so than I have ever felt home before- anywhere.

I am amazed at the creativity of the Creator. Humbled, really, that I am able to enjoy all the beauty and wonderment all around me. Even more humbled that He has also given me such wonderful people to enjoy all of it WITH. Sigh......so overwhelmed.

My oldest daughter said this was her favorite vacation we have had as a family since we went to Hilton Head. (Now, that is saying something....especially, since she is one of the ones who was really NOT wanting to unplug for the weekend.) I was loving it so much, that when we went to my husband's softball game tonight, I left the old cell phone at home again. It feels good to UNPLUG! :) and really focus on the ones you are with and love the most!

In the Absence of Facebook

2011-03-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

For Lent this year I gave up something I enjoy a lot- Facebook. I gave it up after our church had been talking about "Interior Design" and how sometimes we need to declutter- and honestly...Facebook came to my mind every time I heard about this.

Now, I have a lot of friends on Facebook. Friends from around the world and all over our country- and although my brother gives me a hard time- I haven't gone out randomly finding friends on Facebook. A lot of high school peeps, some great friends I have made through different jobs I have held, and younger people my kids are friends with as well as people from churches we have been/ are a part of, neighbors we have lived by, and LOTS of family members! My dad comes from a family of 6 kids and they all have kids...I have 3 sisters and 3 brothers...you get the point. A lot of connectivity is found in facebook for me.

I have something like 24 days left of not using FB socially. Before I left, several people told me they would miss my positive posts, etc....they didn't want me to go. But, I felt like the only thing that seems to clutter my life in some way really, that wasn't a necessity, was FB. I felt like having less email to read, less times of my cell phone going off and less time of me looking around to see what everyone was up to would help me make time for reading my Bible, spending more time doing things around here that I need/want to do, and spending more time with people in my home and in our new town.

So far, I have been reading through the 4 Gospels in a Lent Reading from "Bible Gateway" on line. They just send me a link through email each morning for the day's reading. Good stuff. Thought provoking. I love the Bible. No matter how many times I have read through passages, I always find myself getting a fresh, timely word, a better perspective...

I have a lot less cell phone time now. I might miss that the most. I loved "stalking" people! By that, I mean...some people in my life were on a list and I would get a cell phone notification (sms) whenever they posted something. It made me feel like I was closer to loved ones who are far away. However, it is nice that I do not have the interruptions I used to have when I am involved in something or with someone here. And, I am learning to go back to that old way of just calling or texting someone when they come to mind. "Just checking in!" ;) I also have enjoyed hearing from some people via texting, a phone call, an email when they have thought about me. Feels a little old school after being on FB for a few years- but I LIKE IT! :) It is always nice to know someone is thinking about you! (Did I mention I even got a package of presents from a friend by SNAIL MAIL?! THAT was amazing!! I cannot remember the last time I received something by mail like that! I was like a little kid on Christmas morning!! :))

One more thing I miss is feeling like I can reach out and give people a positive message. I know I still have this, my Nike Running, You Tube, and my FB Zumba page connecting....but I feel like positive posts on people's walls, or my own are something that I REALLY love about FB. I DO miss that part, terribly...I enjoy so much being an encouragement to others. Even posting silly pictures of my food- which I always thought brought a smile to at least one person's face for the silliness of it, if nothing else...

I am feeling more focussed and relaxed. I am considering when I go back to keeping things more limited...not sure how limited...maybe no FB on weekends? Whatever the case, I am glad that I have given FB up as a social media so far, but I am finding that I am missing those who are far away from me more than I was when I was using FB. I am glad that almost half the time has passed and I am trying to imagine "catching up" when I go back on after Palm Sunday! THAT will be a glorious Monday!

Does Not Delight in Evil- but Rejoices with Truth

2011-03-21T12:34:00.001-07:00

EVIL- 1.Morally bad or wrong; wicked 2. Causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful

TRUE- 1. the quality of being true, genuine, actual, or factual 2. something that is true as opposed to false 3. honesty, reliability, or veracity- fidelity

Wow...this one sort of took me back for a second. I looked at it and had to think about or define both EVIL and TRUTH to figure out what it really meant.

So, love does not take delight- or joy, or pleasure- in anything morally wrong or wicked. Morally wrong- well....morally, I guess the biggest guide I have is the Bible. Maybe beginning with the 10 Commandments.

Have no other god before the Lord God.
Do not make or worship an idol.
Do not misuse the name of the Lord, your God.
Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy.
Honor your Father and Mother.
Do not murder.
Do not commit adultery.
Do not steal.
Do not lie.
Do not be jealous and want what others have.

Realtionally- in a loving environment- this would mean something like the following, perhaps-

Do not expect a person you love to be God for you. God is the only one who can be your all-in-all and it isn't fare to ask someone else- anyone else to be that for you.

Do not worship a person- the higher you put them on a pedastool, the harder the fall. No one is perfect and being imperfect means you will always be let down if you worship a person.

The third is not misusing God's name, and I believe this all ties in- the first three all talk of the importance of God in your life. He is number one...when that part of our lives is off track- it is easy to let the rest go.

What I have found, is that if my walk with God is off- it is harder for me to be as loving. It is harder for me to do much of anything very well. When I focus on Him, somehow, things in other areas of my life fall into place easier. Especially in the realtionship department.

Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy. This again, is more about God. But, it is so helpful to us as people as well. In remembering the Sabbath, we rest. We spend time together. It lets us regroup and center from the business of life.

Honor your father and your mother. When you have a good relationship at home before you leave your mother and father, it seems to carry over into having an easier time adapting to a spouse and family and getting along with them. If you have a hard time showing those at home love, honor and respect- or if you come from a home where these things are not valued....it only stands to reason that it will be more of a struggle living out the rest of your life this way. It will have to be a new way of life- something you must learn to do. But, well worth the learning. People love back much better when they know they are valued, honored, respected and truly loved.

Do not murder- hello? This one would end any relationship. And obviously, this would be pretty evil. Love would not be happy to kill someone. No way.

Do not commit adultery- another big one. It is not loving to share intimacy that is supposed to be reserved for one- and sacred, to be anything but evil. It is never going to help the relationship you began with one person to divide yourself, physically, emotionally, or otherwise with another in the same fashion. If anything, it will probably cause you to drift further apart. On the opposite end- what if when you feel your relationship is falling apart- instead, you begin to pour more of you into it than ever? You give more of yourself emotionally and physically...to make the other person feel loved and appreciated and valued?

Do not steal- another obvious one...stealing tells a person you do not respect them or their property. But, what about stealing things like a person's JOY? A person's CONFIDENCE? A person's sense of WORTH? A person's ACCOMPLISHMENTS? On the opposite end- how loving it is when we rejoice with someone in their joy? When we lift them up and boost their confidence. When we show them we value them as God does and are proud of their accomplishments and cheer them on to more? That IS loving. That is rejoicing in TRUTH!

Do not lie. I suppose any relationship is going to be easier if the person you are in relationship with knows you are trustowrthy. If you truly love someone, I would say, it would be difficult to lie to them as you would probably feel guilty in doing so. You would not be HAPPY to lie to their face. It would put a feeling in your stomach as if a huge stone had been dropped there.

Do not be jealous and covet what others have.
If you are in a relationship where the person you are with is never happy with what you have, how things are- always discontent- eventually, the relationship will get broken down. On the other side, when the one you are with is grateful for you and for what you bring to the relationship, physically, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily, they do not even care what others have or do- and it leaves your relationship feeling GOOD- adequate- or even more than adequate. There is a sense of being content. :)

Wow....the fact of the matter is that in the new testament Jesus said that all of the commandments- (and there are more) could be summed up in LOVING GOD and LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. Love God. Love others. And this is what I have been exploring and writing about for weeks. What exactly is - isn't LOVE......

Keep No Record of Wrongs?!

2011-03-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

Out of all the things the Bible says about love, I think this one is the hardest for me to swallow. I mean, I am naturally a list maker. I love to check things off and complete tasks...but keeping a list in my head of what people in my life have or have not done concerning me takes this to a whole other level!
I am not sure how it happened...but for as long as I can remember, I think "keeping track" has been some sort of a safety net I have used to make sure I don't keep traveling down the same path and keep getting hurt. You know, "Hurt me once, shame on you- hurt me twice, shame on me...."
Oh! It's fool me, not hurt me?? Hmm....
Well, for some reason, I use what good and bad is done concerning me in the past to measure, somehow, whether or not I can trust you, how much you must care about me, and in many ways how much - or IF- I am going to spend any real amount of time with you.
It's horrible, really. I mean, I would hate to have someone in my life who kept a record of everthing good or bad I have ever done concerning them. I would most likely not have as many friends in my life and probably would be failing miserably with most people.
The only thing I can do is PRAY when I find myself going to this apparent "mind list" I have made and ask God to help me NOT pay attention. To help me NOT think about it. To help me live each day as if it is BRAND NEW and remind me of the grace I have been shown by not having a list with my record thrown up in my own face!
Yep. so in all honesty, for me, this one is the one that sort of slaps me upside the head! OUCH! I need to avoid keeping a record of wrongs....I need to focus on the GOOD people do, the POSITIVES- give the benefit of the doubt and avoid going down that negative road, if at all possible.... And, the only way that is going to happen is with God's help, cuz I have proven that I can't do it in my own strength!

Heart Strings....

2011-03-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Watching the videos...reading the articles....seeing the pictures....these poor and wonderful people in Japan have been hit- and hit HARD! Earthquake, tsunami, nuclear radiation....I can only imagine....

As I see people smile - hug- share what little they have, it really pulls on my heart strings...

Just last night we were talking in our Youth Group called Thrive about how much we have and how little we share....how our overflow could be someone else's blessing....and I think about right now the overflow I have.

The house, the cars, the clothes, the food, the beds, the pets, the people in my life....

People there have lost not only their homes, food, water, clothing, pets, but they have lost each other. They cannot keep up on the dead bodies as there are not enough coffins, body bags, and they do not have the ability to creamate in the capacity!

I cannot imagine the world as I once knew it laying adound me in disarray and rubble- cars stacked, buildings wiped away and actually seeing deaad bodies of people floating on the shoreline....it sounds as if it was a war-zone. I cringe and tears come as I watch a lady hug a young child in an effort to comfort and console...to see this kind of devestation and destruction as a young child....this overwhelms my burdened heart.

I think to myself, "What can I do? How can I help? Out of the abundance that I have- how can I bless?"

No FB- Day 3

2011-03-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday some dear friends of ours came to visit from Oklahoma. Excellent to see them!!
They were the first people we met when we moved out there and we hung out all the time. That was like 10 years ago!

We went to visit them almost 5 years ago and it seemed then as it does now, things just picked up as if we had never been apart! That is the sign of a good relationship- you just pick up where you left off and space and time have no apparent affect!

This DID make no facebooking a little hard for me. These are the times I like to share. I like to share with the world all the happiness that is going on in my little part of it.

I also discovered yesterday that I like to get my little "ha-ha's" in on FB as well. I was able to lay in the sun for a little while yesterday as we hit 70 with barely a cloud in the sky - and as I lay there enjoying it, I was thinking, "I sure would love to post this to FB and rub it in to all my Ohio and Illinois peeps!"

Ahhh well, 3 days without it and I am feeling fine! Today is the 3rd day and I am guessing it won't be very difficult, either....as I have plenty to do! 2 Dentist appointments and then we are heading to Denver to show our friends around, and then to my favorite- BOULDER!! and we will be meeting up with other friends there....gonna be delightful!!

Sooooo......No big withdrawals yet....But, there is still plenty of time for that!:)

No FB - Day 1

2011-03-09T21:49:00.001-07:00

Well, today was a great day to start not using fb for my social life! I was way too busy for it anyway. Trying to get plates for my new vehicle took about 3 trips and five hours! Unbelieveable! Anyway...I got them and they are CUTE! Pink to support finding a cure for Breast Cancer. Part of the proceeds go to that! Cool!

I enjoyed time in my suburban with the sunroof open and my music playing kind of loud! Beautiful day - high of 57. Not bad...not bad... ;)

I found already today that I had more time. Time in the morning just spent talking to my girls before driving them both to school. Time to reflect on people I had not talked to in a while personally...and so I took time to do that as well! :)

Time to think, too. Thinking about a way to promote my business on fb more than I am currently. I started a Zumba FB page. I list things there about Fitness, Zumba and what is going on with my classes, etc. It is also a place where people can give me feedback. Today, I was thinking about running some kind of contest so that people who are friends with my page can introduce the page to their friends....the person who recruits the most "likes" for my page can get a free 6 week session at one of the locations I teach! I am thinking it is a good way to advertise and spread the word while giving those who help promote a chance to benefit from their help!

So, Day 1....not bad....not bad....and now, I am going to go cuddle up in my bed, relax and catch a little TV- (what's that, anyway?! lol)
Day one- not bad. Not bad at all....

Not Easily Angered

2011-03-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

Love- it is not easily angered.

I have heard it said that anger is a secondary emotion. Which means that in general, the first emotion is maybe hurt or scared- but to kind of mask the volnurability that goes along with those emotions that somehow open us up to another in a way that can leave us feeling weak or exposed, we hide those emotions and just unleash the beast- ANGER.

It makes sense- to truly show yourself means you are opening yourself up to the possibilities of being hurt. But, in the safe place of love, exposing ourselves becomes a beautiful thing where we truly get to know another and truly get to be known.

I would say that if you get the chance...the next time your spouse does something like forgetting your anniversary, instead of saying, "UGH. I am so mad at you! You never remember the important dates!" Say, "Honey, I love you so much and the day we were married is so important to me. I feel hurt when I feel like it isn't as important to you because you treat it like just another day." (This of course is just an example...the point I am trying to make is- don't mask what you are really feeling or thinking. Don't jump right into anger! Decide to give the loved ones in your life the benefit of knowing YOU! Tell them how you really feel deep down about things.)

I gaurantee that when you love someone and are open and honest with them and the person you are open and honest with loves you- (they have your best interest at heart as you do them)- you will reach new levels in your relationship by letting yourself be exposed! You will automatically find yourselves getting angry less and less!

Love is not SELF-SEEKING.....

2011-03-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

Self Seeking. Hmmm... loving someone else means you put their needs ahead of your own. AHEAD of your own. I absolutely LOVE to serve others....to meet people's needs....to help others....to make people's lives better....happier.....clearer.....

I have learned though, that sometimes people can really take advantage of a giving person. I have also learned that sometimes you can spread yourself too thin and not take care of yourself- and if you are not taken care of, is it really even still possible to care for others??

The real judge of WHY we do what we do is God. The reality is that we don't really know if a person is doing something nice for us just so they will get something in return- which would be self-seeking....or if they are doing something nice because they want what is best for us- which would be selfless.

Another thing about this love not being "self-seeking" is that sometimes, a person who is a giver can totally get used up- taken advantage of- by being the one doing all of the giving and never- or rarely- getting anything back. I have found myself in relationships like that before, too....and from experience, let me tell you- BEWARE! If you let yourself be used and abused in this way it can leave you empty and worthless for things that really matter. It can leave you feeling worthless and drained and often times is just enabling another person to live in an unhealthy way, anyway. So, in short- if you are not careful- you could end up allowing yourself, and others harm in the long run.

Good boundaries are essential. I still struggle with this. I pray I get better and I work at getting better. I am better than I once was. But, somethimes I can feel like a real "sucker". One who will fall for anything and pour my all in...and for WHAT?! To be left drained....

Another thing is that I am learning is that what I DO need, I cannot always expect a person(s) to provide. I need to trust that God will provide.This takes the pressure off if you are in relationships with others who also find their needs/wants met through and by God. No person can or should be expected to be perfect or be the all-in-all for anyone.

Love is not self-seeking. Love is genuinely wanting and seeking what is best for the one we love. Sometimes, that means taking care of our needs first, so we can meet theirs...sort of like putting the oxygen mask on ourselves and then assisting someone to get theirs on. If we can't breathe, we can't help! :) Never-the-less....we cannot call ourselves "LOVING" if we go to another simply to get what we need/ want from them, as TRUE LOVE would never look to only gain for itself.

I can only imagine the peace, joy and wonder of a world if we as people, could all live in such a way....

Love Is Not Rude...

2011-02-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

1. discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: a rude reply.

2. without culture, learning, or refinement: rude, illiterate peasants.

3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.

4. rough, harsh, or ungentle: rude hands

You know, it is pretty much impossible to convey love to another human being while being rude. In fact, I don't know if it is possible at all.

Frankly, I can be rude. I hate it when I am- but it seems to come out of me....rudeness....and I totally know it is not loving.

Rudeness comes out of me when someone I love is telling me about something going on in their life, and I rush them.
Rudeness comes out of me when I interrupt someone else while they are talking as if something I have to say may have more importance.
Rudeness comes out of me when I am not kind or gentle with the words I chose to speak or respond to another human being.

The saddest part of this when I really take a good look and am completely honest is that more often than not I am the most rude to the people closest to me. Rudeness comes out of me the most when I am around the people I love the most.

It happens like this- "Mommy, I want to tell you something...well, it happened like this....and then... but I.... well...." and I say- "Would you hurry up?"

Or it happens like this- Mark is telling me about his day and all of a sudden something makes me remember something similar I had gone through and I start telling him about that as if what he was sharing wasn't as important to me.

Sometimes it happens like this- "Why can't you people pick up after yourselves? It's like you are a bunch of pigs living in a pig stye..."

UGH! I get SO frustrated with myself when any of these things happen. I should have more control over my tongue. I used to have these scriptures hanging up as reminders....

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed my man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:5-10

I need help with this one....I cannot rely on my own power- it has to be God working through me. I ask for His help in this area of my life- and when I fall short, I ask forgiveness from Him and the one I have been rude to, as I seek to become less and less rude....

It Is Not Proud??

2011-02-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

Proud defined-Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, possession, quality, or relationship by which one measures one's stature or self-worth: Feeling or showing justifiable self-respect.

Well, I have had a bum right thumb now for about 6 weeks. It was sprained while playing basketball. At first, the doctor thought I had torn ligaments...but now, he is saying that is most likely not the case- just badly strained, sprained, with possible little tears that need time to heal. Needing time to heal requires taking time to rest.

I am right-handed- you would be amazed at how many things a thumb is used for on a day-to-day basis. I know I took my right thumb for granted and never realized how important it was and how difficult it would be without it! Keeping it resting means keeping it in the splint made of fiber-glass and an ace wrap. It is rather big and bulky and cannot get wet. I am allowed to take it off to shower- but am supposed to leave it on, otherwise. So, cleaning up a messy kitchen...wiping down tables and counter tops that are full of crumbs are difficult. Washing dishes- that obviously should be done by someone else.... I have asked myself time and time again why it is that I have trouble asking for help from people when I need it. (Especially since I cannot stand a messy kitchen/dining area!)

One thing is certain. I feel like people know I have limitations right now. I guess I assume that if I knew someone had an injury, I would be doing whatever I could without being asked to help them out. Therefor, I feel like I am "putting them out" if I ask them to do for me, what I believe they should already know needs done. But, not everyone is a "do-er". Not everyone has the same way of thinking as me. I have to remember this- and in a sense, swallow my pride and ask for help- or let people know when I need help. I also realize that most people who know me well, know that I don't really usually need help. I am an introvert and I actually enjoy working on things alone. I like to think while I work and just kind of block everything else out.

I am also a "do-er", though. I do things. I rarely just sit around watching TV or reading. I am active. This has led me down a road with being prideful. I have often found myself judging who I am by what I have done. If I can achieve it, I can be....Measuring my self-worth by accomplishments. I have lived a great portion of my life this way. So much so, that I became extremely burnt out a few years back and I backed out of almost everything. I had been doing things- and I had been measuring my self- worth by what I had been doing. I had also looked to gain the approval of others by what I could DO.

During the time that I backed away, I came upon a scripture that really has changed my life. Micah 6:8- "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." It said nothing about what I could physically do. It was more about how I interacted with God and others...more about relationships...

This thumb injury has had me revisiting my prideful nature again. In a new way- not in the bigger areas, but in the day-to-day. The realizing that I need people. I need help. I cannot do it all or be it all. I have had to ask for help tying my shoes, putting on lotion, doing my hair, cleaning the kitchen, the house. I have been unable to shovel snow- (one of my favorite winter exercises) and I cannot open containers much of the time, even writing has been a messy chore. I have not been able to help others as much either.

I feel like this has been a lesson in admitting I cannot do it. I need another person to help me. I need God to give me more patience while I let my thumb heal. I am in need....and I don't really like being in need. This brings me to another realization again..."It is better to give than to receive." How true...it feels so much better for a prideful person to be doing the giving- offering the help- than it does to receive it. I am humbled as I receive help. I am realizing, yet again, that I do struggle with being proud and it is not loving to be prideful....

Even in writing this, if you will notice, it seems it was hard for me to just simply come right out and say that I struggle with this one! Again, proof of being prideful....not wanting to admit a weakness. I am weak!! I am weak!!! I AM WEAK!!! There, now that it's out in the open, maybe I can work on getting over feeling like I have to be so strong all the time!! :) One can only hope....

Adventure in the Snowy Rockies

2011-02-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

My husband thought of a wonderful 16th Anniversary present for us this year. He planned and prepared for the whole thing! I was so proud of him! All I had to do, is literally, wake up and ride along! He took care of everything. Finding a place to rent a two-seater snowmobile, setting our alarm, buying and packing us supplies for the trip...everything you could think of involved in planning a trip. (I am usually the planner between the two of us- it was very nice to not have any responsibility and just sort of "go with it"!)

Anyway, we both love adventure. We headed out on the snowmobile and were anxious to find some fun- live in the edge! The trail was sort of boring in the beginning as we were in a speed restricted area- 25 mph- a road shared with cars, a small town, ho hum....

As soon as we got past that part, Mark saw a hill and some fresher snow....we took off! I was running the video camera for a while- until I almost flew off the seat a few times....then I put it away- just in time! We flipped on our side and I lay there laughing as I thought about how Mark assured me I couldn't get hurt on a snowmobile and this one happened to be laying on my leg at the moment! No harm, no foul. I wasn't hurt- neither was he. BUT, we did need to flip this thing back over as we could smell gas...not good!

So, we got her back up and running...how much did she way, anyway...I know it was around 200 pounds more than a one-seater! Still no idea...Mark said he was guessing about 1000 pounds! Man, we are strong! lol

So, we go for a little while longer- back on the trail....suddenly, I see him slowing down. I had been noticing that he kept looking off to the sides- as if his heart was calling him to more off- road adventure. (The kind he had as a kid riding in his hometown.) So, we head off the trail again to a spot with an excellent view of the Continental Divide. BEAUTIFUL! "Mark, stand up on it so I can get you in the picture!" I said. Lovely! Then suddenly, we realize the snow here is like baby powder- light and fluffy, except the stuff trapped under the hundreds of pounds of snowmobile! WE WERE STUCK! and at least waist high in the fluffy white stuff! So, we begin to work as a team again and figure this out. Digging around, picking up and moving inch by inch as we try to gain some ground out of this mess and back onto the trail. We worked at it for a good hour. A a couple guys came down off the trail to try and help- but, no....this thing needed an expert!

So, we call for help. Guess what?? The people we rented from are technically closed for the day..."But for a large sum of money...and by the way...you should wait for an experienced driver to come by and help- or try to make a ramp by patting snow down in front and lift and push out while gunning it." To which I replied, "Yeah, thanks, you know we have already tried all of that for over an hour. That's cool- we will just call some other rental place that is open today and can help us!" WOW!

I am taking a break now that we have been told help is on the way- THANK YOU GRAND ADVENTURE! (Next time we go there to snowmobile or 4-wheel- that is where we will rent from!) I opened my lunch and enjoyed the sun and the beautiful view. Help arrived and we finished up by helping him build that ramp by trudging in the snow again and packing a ramp- then he hopped on the side, gunned it and slowly coasted back up the hill. We were relieved. He asked if we were OK- we said yes. We felt fine. Then, as I attempted to follow Mark back up, I kept sinking, fighting to stay above the snow...and I found myself walking on my knees soon with NO ENERGY left! What a weird feeling. I had never experienced this before.The guy came by and had me hop on his snowmobile. RELIEF!! I guzzled some Vitamin water and rested. I was thankful for heated bars to hold onto while riding as my gloves were now soaking wet!

I had mentioned to Mark as we attempted again and again to get unstuck, that if he went off the trail again, I would be going home...and so, for the rest of the trip, we stayed on the trail- but I did notice him looking to the sides and knew his heart was longing for more off-trail adventures....I was smiling inside knowing that he was loving me by staying on the safer side! And, the trail did prove to offer more adventure and fun- we had some spots where we were cruising right beside the drop off and had we slipped over just a bit, we would have been heading DOWN big time!

Parts of the trail were extremely windy- or had us going up hill at such a steep incline that it felt as though we were going to pop a wheely!

We left the trails about an hour early. We were exhausted! We were sore. It felt like our helmets weighed 10 pounds by now, and our snow suits around 30! It was a great day! A great adventure in the Rockies! I can honestly say, I appreciate God's creation of both, those amazing mountains, and my fabulous husband even more than I did the before!

16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

2011-02-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

This post for my blog is coming with much thought. I know and love lots of people who have been divorced, are afraid of marriage, or are in rocky marriages right now. My husband and I have been together for just about 18.5 years and been married this Friday for 16.

Marriage is hard work. Relationships in general take work. Marriage…it involves constantly living together- constantly doing life together. We bring baggage- things that were a part of our lives before marriage into our marriage relationship. We bring our similarities, our differences, our belief systems, we add jobs, kids, friends, volunteer work, and other aspects of life and we put it all together into a pot. Things stir up and there are bound to be clashes and bumps along the way as we create this tasty dish!

I guess, as we celebrate our 16th year of marriage, what my husband and I have both learned…(yes, it took us long enough)…is that it is really about selfless giving.

For many men, it is the giving that the wife does for and to him both physically and verbally. For many women it is the giving that the husband does through things he does for and with his wife. It is not always this way…and for years for me it meant more to me to have my husband do things for me and with me and now I find hearing his encouraging and loving words just as meaningful, if not more at times.

I have learned that though I may be tired, or feeling like I need my space from the constant demands of having 4 children and other commitments outside the home, it is not a bad thing at all to meet the physical needs of my man. In fact, it ends up being good for both of us. Ladies, most times, in the act of surrendering yourself physically- you will find that you will feel most relaxed, loved, valued and even beautiful or sexy to a man you may once have felt was just one more person needing something from you!

Mark recently told me that he realized, finally- (his words- not mine) – that as he does the little things in life that he knows mean a lot to me, he notices that I find him funny, not annoying, and laugh and have more fun with him and am more than willing to meet his needs, wants and desires.

It is like a circle- as are the rings we exchanged- never ending….you cannot tell where one stops and the other starts as they seem to overlap. We have learned, each of us, that you cannot wait for the other person to do it….you do what you can, with what you have- whatever it is- that speaks love, appreciation, respect and admiration to your other half.

Beware- this takes honest and loving communication. You have to be ready to hear the hard things like…. I would really like it if you would …. Or would not…. It would mean a lot to me if… My feelings get hurt when…..And then you have to be ready to share from your heart as well. It is about spurring each other on to a better understanding. About sharing what makes you feel good, loved, respected, important, beautiful, sexy….your spouse cannot read your mind no matter how long you have been together! Then, you have to make the decision to pursue making things change. Not changing your spouse…but changing you- to make yourself a better partner.

No one is going to be perfect at this. But, when we realize that our part of our relationship is what we have control over, and both people care enough about each other to do whatever it takes to pursue what they can on their end…beautiful and amazing things can happen! Marriage really can be beautiful and fulfilling and amazing!

Love Does Not Boast

2011-02-08T08:58:00.001-07:00

Boast-To glorify oneself in speech; talk in a self-admiring way.

Hmmm.... this one is hard. I mean, it's not something to be taken lightly. I am sure there are people who may think I am boasting when I post how much exercise I have done. I am sure there are some people who may think I am boasting when I post so many pictures, or things that I have going on in my life....but the truth is...to know whether or not a person is boasting is to know what the motivation behind what they are saying and doing is.

For me, most of the time, I am sharing to share. I adore the people in my life and I long to share my life with them and share in their lives! People and relationships are key to me. People are key. My heart aches with the person who is having trouble and my heart rejoices with the person who is experiencing happiness and joy!

I honestly do not think that highly of myself. I realize that if it were not for God in my life, I could be who knows where doing who knows what- and completely unhappy, unfulfilled...I share where I am in my life right now as a testimony that if I can do it...if I can be happy, if I can get fit, if I can rise above the crap that sometimes gets handed to us in this life- SO CAN YOU! So can ANYONE! And though I do not want to shove God down anyone's throat- because I do not believe He is that way...if you get to know me as I share my life, you will undoubtedly know that I credit Him with turning my life around.

If you knew me when I was much younger, you knew me as a girl without direction. A girl who longed to feel loved. A girl who tested and pushed the limits of everything and everyone. Including God. When my best friend was killed by a drunk driver while riding her bike, (she had asked me to be on that ride) I declined to get my chores done. I think I was 10... I literally got on my bike, closed my eyes and rode telling God that if He was really there, he would take care of me. Next thing I knew I was flying over my handle bars as I had run off the road and into some bushes. I clearly heard a voice say, "Do not test the Lord your God." I had tested Him. But, in my stupidity, (riding a bike on the road with closed eyes- hello?) He didn't allow much more to happen to me other than some scrapes and a little scare.

That wasn't where it ended, though. I took my life into my own hands time and time again through my teen years. I did one stupid thing after another. I made some bad choices and could have ended up in a very bad place. I could have been dead- or caused the death of another.

I know that I am rotten without the good, the love, the joy, the patience, the peace, the kindness and the love that God places inside me. I know that all of the anger issues I used to have - God has taken. (I used to punch holes in walls....now I cannot imagine doing that sort of thing.) I know the anxiety I used to feel- the feeling of not being good enough- or not feeling loveable- has changed.....

I have loved this verse- "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW that anything good I can do is because of Him. I have made it through some really tough times, just because I knew He was with me and would get me through it.

I do kid around sometimes....like "Oh yeah....look at this-" and I do this as I am teasing someone. The reality is...I will ask my husband, "What can I do to be a better wife to you?" I ask my kids, "What can I do to be a better mom?" I ask God, "Help me not to do this.... or help me to do this...show me how....teach me....lead me...." I acknowledge every day how far from perfect I am. And, it feels good to know that I don't have to be perfect! I can be loved and accepted for who I am- just the way I am as I continue to grow and learn on this journey called life.

It Does No Envy

2011-02-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

IT DOES NOT

ENVY-
a. A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.

b. The object of such feeling

Great! Allow me to introduce another struggle I have! I am not the most content person. If you have ever heard of "Gallup" and their "Strengthsfinder" test, you should know that my number 2 is MAXIMIZER. I like to take good and make it better or even best! I see room for and ways to improve almost everything. This can be a good thing- making them call it a strength. It can also be a bad thing.

Sometimes, for me this can be as simple as always being drawn to what turns out to be the most expensive item in the store....(then I look at the pricetag and decide it isn't as incredible as I thought!) Sometimes, this can mean that I think a relationship I have needs to be better...and I have had to learn that this desire for improvement in my relationships is not something I can force. Sometimes, it means that I see an athlete and my desire is to help bump them up to the next level. This almost always means that I see the need for improvement in myself.

This used to be a bigger struggle for me in my younger years. Newly married - and deciding to have kids right away, pretty much right out of college, means that financially there will be a little struggle. We decided also that we wanted to have mom at home and even homeschool. I grew up feeling like I would do BIG things, make BIG money, maybe have a housekeeper, etc. I ended up being that housekeeper to bring in some extra cash for our one income family. I already mentioned, I have expensive taste- I didn't go shopping. I went to resale shops, or accepted hand-me-downs from people to clothe myself and my kids much of the time. We were not in a position to have the nicest, newest cars, the biggest, bestest house, go on really nice vactions....in fact, we took a few vacations by listening to time-share salespeople after they paid for a three day or so trip for us.

In the midst of that, though. I learned to be content. I learned over time, not to be envious of the people I knew who seemed to have it all. I learned that what mattered most to me was my family. I look back now and realize that I have a 15 year old who still cuddles up by me like my 10 year old. I realize how much a part of their lives I have gotten to be, and I know that for me- that is the REAL treasure. I will never look back and regret missing seeing them walk, tie their shoes, learn how to swim or skate, read or write....because I was there with them every time!

One saying I have said to my kids as they were growing over and over again was , "People are more important than things." In reality, I was telling myself that as much as I was telling them. Now, I truly believe it!

I am not perfect with this...sometimes, I still wish .... but more often than not, I am content with what we have, and what we do. I still have expensive taste....but I have learned to laugh at that, too. I will say- "Ohhhh, look....I bet I can pick the one that costs the most!" and when I flip over the price tag, we just smile... knowing that it isn't a need- and that all of our needs and most of our wants are always taken care of. Always have been. And life is good.

Family Pride

2011-01-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Today marks the day, 6 moths ago, that the girls and I had neighbors and friends at our house and in our driveway as both, we and they, had eyes filled with tears as we said our "so longs" and piled into our packed minivan with our 2 dogs and headed west for Colorado.

I look back today, even a little further to the previous November when Mark and I hit what was probably the real crossroads in our marriage. Things had been rocky, to say the least. We had not been involved at church and had our family going off as individuals in so many directions- with paths rarely crossing in any significant way. This time in our lives was the least close our family had ever been as a whole.

Then in February, Mark began interviews for a new position in his company. A position which would have come much sooner, had times not been so tough in our nation's economy. By March, we knew we would be moving. By April, Mark headed to Colorado without us to begin his new job.

For four long months, I stayed with our four girls in Colorado. Our oldest two did not want to move in the least. They were teenagers and leaving their friends was tearing them apart. I was afraid of being so far from family. In the back of my mind, I wondered what would happen if things started going south again in my marriage? I wouldn't be able to make a drive back "home" in a day. My youngest two were having the easiest time adjusting- as they were excited for adventure...but the closer the time for leaving came, the more emotional they were getting, too.

I was juggling a lot. Zumba classes, coaching travel basketball, getting my kids to and from friends and sports, running our house, homeschooling, dealing with the kids and my own waves of emotion...and doing all I usually did- but alone now. This gave me a new appreciation for Mark and all the ways he helps out. It also made me appreciate family even more, as I had none around and realized how much easier it was to ask them for help than it was to ask friends. So, I sucked it up and did the best I could. In the mean time, Mark was comparing being without us and basketball coaching as being a drug addict who had quit two of his favorite drugs cold turkey. He was missing both, something fierce and wasn't enjoying his quiet time at the hotel each night near as much as I thought I would! lol

Then, the big day finally arrived. We were in our van driving through the tears and the pain we had in our hearts. I had purchased a AAA plan in case I had flat tires or anything else come up that would be difficult to handle as a woman traveling across country with 4 kids, and 2 dogs with no real mechanical inclination! Good thing, too, because as I spread our journey out to allow time for some fun and relaxation over 3 days, we did get a flat tire and they fixed us up so we could be on our way! No worries!

We arrived in Colorado and it was as if we were on a honeymoon! Mark got us our own room for the night. He had found a house for us, but we could not close on it for several days and had not even seen it yet, so we all snuggled in at a hotel - this was an unexpected blessing! This family who had become so individualized, was put together in a small place where we had LOTS of together and closeness. It felt good to all snuggle up and talk and laugh together.

We went the day after we arrived, and we looked at our new home. LOVELY! Mark had picked a wonderful place for us to live. A very nice park just 2 houses down with a 6 mile trail for running, walking, biking....a nice family neighborhood within a good school district. the best part- we could see the mountains!!! The mountains cannot be justly described, in my opinion. But, I feel God when I look at them and such peace and tranquility. They truly are amazing! One of the most amazing things I have seen in my life- right up there with being at the base of Niagra Falls in a boat being churned around by the pounding water, and seeing my nephew be born!

A prayer was answered in this move, in that the very first Sunday we were here, while still staying in the hotel, we found a church home that we love and can serve in and have made wonderful friends in. We realized through the move to Illinois and not being in church, how important that was to us as individual and as a family. We are so blessed that it happened so easily for us here.

4 short days after moving in, our exchange student arrived. This was another change for our family. It seemed as if constant change was just becoming a way of life. This move was difficult in and of itself, with the older girls especially adjusting to a new school, new teams, new ways, new teachers, having to make new friends....now we added a new "family member" to the mix....and it was a mix. But, I have to say, I think this ended up bringing us all closer once again. Through all of these changes, too, my oldest daughters began to really express themselves and find their own inner-strength. I was feeling a sense of pride in them I had not experienced before...it was like they were growing up right before my eyes and I was so proud of who they were developing into! My youngest two, being younger, just continued to welcome change. What troopers!

When our exchange left, that very week just days later, we welcomed another family into our home. This family, I have blogged about before. We did not know them- but we had friends in common from the church we were members of in Ohio. This family consited of a husband and wife, four girls just a couple years behind our own age range, two dogs and a cat. At this point in time, I just really started realizing that God had been using this whole move for our benefit. He was bringing our family closer though everything that was happening. Giving us a knew appreciation for each member! A stronger love. He was also, developing a generosity, a trust, and a love of others that I am not sure any of us had ever really had at such a level, previously.

At any rate...the past 6 months and more have been quite a journey for me and for my entire family. As I look back and reflect at all that has happened, all the changes we have endured and grown from over this time, it brings me a sense of family pride. A sense of awe about how good life can be when you just say, "Yes" to what is before you. When you just say, "Yes" to the people placed before you. When you just say, "Yes" to change, adventure, and the unknown. When you just say, "Yes" to the chance to be generous and put forth the effort to be a part of or a help in the lives of others. I have a sense of "Family Pride" like I have never experienced before. It is such a blessing to be a part of the NEU CREW! I love my family!!!

Love is... KIND

2011-01-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

Last week was a pretty easy week for me. I have been blessed with patience. I don't know if it is something I was born with or if it was developed thru jobs I have had in the past- working with mentally and physically challenged people in the MRDD field for years, working with children, working as a home health aid. However it happened, patience is not usually a big struggle for me. For that, I am thankful.

This week, however, is not the easiest of weeks! I am not gonna lie! KINDNESS. •Kindness is the act or the state of being kind and marked by charitable behaviour, marked by mild disposition, pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others. It is a recognized value in many cultures and religions (see ethics in religion). (Wikipedia)

It is easy for me to be kind most of the time. I like people, so that contributes to a lot of the easiness. BUT, I do have a tendency to tease a bit and antagonize. Sometimes, this form of fun is not always fun for everyone. Especially, if the one being teased gets their feelings hurt. This kind of poking fun is the norm in our home. We tease eachother - but we have had to learn that when it stops being funny to the other person- we stop the teasing because it is then, no longer fun or funny. This has worked for the most part. However, I cannot say that words already said before realizing they hurt another person can simply be taken back. This is when another part of love kicks in- forgiveness...and maybe even - the always trusts and always hopes kicks in...but that is another week(s).

So, KINDNESS. It is easy to be kind when things are easy. It is easy to be kind to kind people. When it gets hard for me, is when someone else is being unkind. I cannot stand to listen to or watch a person passing judgement on others as though they themselves were perfect. And, frankly, I find it hard to tolerate these people, let alone be kind to them! The other struggle I have with kindness is being kind to someone who has hurt someone I love. I also find it hard to be kind to a person who simply is not being kind to me. I have this red hair and Irish temper that kicks in at these times and sometimes, I can imagine myself simply kicking the crap out of someone! Now, THAT is not kind at all!

So, honestly, this can be a real struggle for me and I have had to learn to trust that someone greater than me is in control and that I need not worry about avenging myself, or a loved one. I have to trust that in the end- the truth will prevail and that whatever happens in the mean time, is the for the benefit of everyone involved. That good, not harm can come from every situation and I can rest in that.

So, when that part of me creeps in that wants to "teach someone a lesson" or "show them"....I breathe, say a prayer- maybe even share with a trusted person how I am feeling, and then I let go and resist the temptation to react. When I struggle to be kind, I pray for myself...and I pray for the one I am finding it hard to be kind to! This is what helps me....and this is what I do.

Love- Part One-

2011-01-18T07:34:00.001-07:00

At church lately, we have been talking about Marriage and Family. Week one was addressing Marriage. Week two- the men. They actually asked the married men to stand up and then as they read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; they were told they should sit down when they heard a description of love they struggled with.

I was like- WOW! What pressure....how embarrassing....when would I sit down?? Well, that has spurred me on to really take a good look at myself. What an appropriate time to do this, too, with Valentine's Day and my 16th wedding anniversary right around the corner!

The first thing it says in the passage is LOVE IS PATIENT.

In general, I feel I am a pretty patient person. but, this week, I am asking God to show me where I need work in this department- as I know I cannot be perfect.

So, stay tuned... .PATIENCE....where is it lacking in my life? Stay tuned to find out. As I discover, I will share. After all-- admitting it is the first step to recovery, right??

Mercy and Grace

2011-01-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

Not getting what I deserve- Mercy.
Getting what I don't deserve- Grace.
I am amazed and thankful for and by both!
I have done so many things during my lifetime that should have had/ could have had severe consequences...and yet....I have not really suffered. MERCY.
I have not been anything special. Just a person going though life. Learning as I go. And yet, I am so blessed. I have been given so much physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. GRACE.
Mercy and Grace...Mercy and Grace....
I have been given much of both- so I pray I show much of both to those around me....

DO YOU!

2011-01-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

A piece of advice that may be some of the best piece of advice ever given! "DO YOU"!

I had long been a people pleaser. I never wanted to hurt a person's feelings, make them angry, cause a disturbance, or take a chance on them not liking me. For these reasons, a good portion of my life was played out by me making decisions based on others...others' opinions, others' reasonings, others' thoughts, others' arguments, and friendships or lack of friendships with them.

I ended up getting so burnt out. So overloaded. So lost in who I was. Pleasing everyone was just not working. The reality of it is that it never did work- but it seemed to for a long time. Gradually, though, I began feeling like a failure. I realized I didn't love life like I had when I was young. I knew I had to make a change and I knew that change could come from no one and nowhere but from within. I went from loving people to feeling like they were usually somewhat of a hassel and trying to avoid or just be superficial with a lot of them.

I realized that the way I had been living my life for years was not really the way a good life could or should be lived. By the time I had gotten this realization, I was so insecure. I was so unsure of myself. I was so used to thinking about everyone around me, that I really wasn't sure where to begin finding me again.

I stumbled upon working out and that reminded me of the passion I had once had for fitness. It also gave me time. Time was something I virtually had none of when I was constantly trying to please others. Pleasing others kept me soooo busy! This time I had to myself was so useful as I could clear my mind of distractions and it allowed me to remember what my passions were....to remember what made me an individual and gave me the chance to think about how I could and would go about getting back to my roots.

I definitely think I went overboard with this in the beginning....It was sort of like a pendulum. I had been so far over to one side that as I began to swing in the other direction, I went way over in the other direction. For a while I became very self-absorbed. Life seemed to become "all about me". I just wanted to have fun, feel free, not think about others. I may have hurt people when I was in this place. I am sure I did. I never wanted to - that's for sure.

I have come back to a middle ground now. I realize more than ever that we are all made differently. Thank God! Each of us has a purpose(s). I appreciate so much people who are different from me, as I know they have talents and abilities for a reason.Their thought processes are necessary to make this world a better and more diverse place. Without this diversity, certain jobs would never get done. Life would be so boring. I also realize that I have to be me. I have a purpose- a reason for exisiting. If I am not fulfilling that, then who will?

No matter how big or small the difference, each serves a purpose. Each person's uniqueness is there for a reason. If I change who I am- who I was meant to be for someone else- then who will serve the purpose(s) I was created for? And if you change who you are for me or anyone else, then who will serve your purpose?

So, I guess what I am saying is DO YOU! Live life to the fullest!!

SO BLESSED!

2010-12-30T09:10:00.001-07:00

As I reflect on the year 2010, I am completely in awe.

I am so blessed! SO BLESSED!

A beautiful home with room for guests, a job that I love, health, more than enough food and clothing.

LOVE! I am simply surrounded by it!!!

I am sooooo extremely blessed by the love I have from wonderful friends...both far and near...both old and new. It is such a comfort to me! To think there are people I could comfortably go and spend real time with in many states as well as other countries! Many of these friends I count as my family. They are incredible!!

I have a beautiful extended family! Parents,sisters, brothers, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins. So many of them and such special relationships with them! Each has made a positive impact on my life.

My church! I feel like I am a part of two. One in Ohio and one in Colorado. Such a blessing to be a part of bodies of people who truly love God and people and show that love by their words AND actions!

I have the most tremendous, wonderful daughters in the entire universe! No, they are not perfect- because none of us are- but boy, have they changed my life for the better and do they EVER make me feel LOVED and PROUD!

I have a fabulous husband, who really does everything he can to provide for all of our needs and wants and then some! He teases and he tickles and he really cares for us. He is good with babies and loves kids. Not just our kids, but all kids! Logical and level-headed...he balances me. He is very loyal and a leader in all he does. It blessed my heart as I see his generosity and servant-heart outside of our home as well. It blesses me to have witnessed the growth I have seen and done with him over our last 18 years together.

I am just so blessed! Tears were coming as I wrote this out...my heart is so full. So very, very full!

Yes, there were some unpleasantries in 2010, of course. But those unpleasantries just help me to appreciate the pleasantries all the more!

2010 was such a gift and I cannot wait to watch as each day in 2011 unfolds!

Resolving to be Content

2010-12-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes....this is my second time blogging in one day, I know. I told you. I have been thinking a lot, lately.

About 5-6 years ago, I was asked to speak on a topic at a Women's Retreat in Ohio based on a Max Lucado book called "Traveling Light". My talk was on being Content. It was the beginning of my realization that I have such a struggle in that area.

I am not really sure why people have the personalities they do. I know that some of it is supposed to be natural and some is formed by circumstances in your environment. I have taken personality tests, gift tests, and the Strengths test. They basically have all confirmed what I already knew about myself. I love people, but I need time alone. I am very responsible and task oriented and always see room for improvement. I don't like to waste time. I enjoy doing and being busy and moving forward.

Well, I have this inner drive. It pushes me. Motivates me. Can make me seem competitive. This innner drive can drive those around me crazy! It can make me tired... it can make you tired if you read my posts on facebook.

I seem to have this need to do more, be more, see more... I guess the common theme is more. And, for the coming year I am resolving to do less, be less, see less.... I feel in part, that all this endless searching and reaching and striving that I do can distract from the absolutely wonderful and fulfilling life that I actually already have.

I have a loving husband, four wonderful daughters, pets, a lovely home, great friends and extended family, a fabulous church, a job that I truly enjoy, the opportunity to serve in family ministry at my church, and enough responsibility that goes along with all of that-- why would I feel I needed more????

I am going to stop what I like to call "dissing my content" and start fully appreciating and fully giving myself to those things that are most important to me. I am going to be content! This is my Resolution. :) Please, don't let me get distracted!! :)

Love is in the House

2010-12-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

Just packed up all the Christmas decorations...except the lights...something about the pretty, colorful lights at this dark time of the year brings me warm fuzzy feelings, so I just cannot put them in a box quite yet.

The house is clean- smelling like "vinegar chips" as one of our neighbor girls told me as I mopped with vinegar water! I told her that was what I was going for. I want any holiday guests coming in to think of our home as the one that smells of vinegar chips! (insert laugh) She said, "Really?" (Yes, she is a teen- and she is a blond!) "Ha! No, " I told her, I just use it because it cleans really well and it is natural."

Anyway, so I have some time to write and it is good because my brain has been overflowing with thoughts lately. Writing helps me sort, think, express, and make sense of it all.

When I was young, I hoped that when I had a family I would be "The Koolaid Mom". You know, the one whose house all the kids' friends would come to and hang out? Yeah, that was how I wanted my house to be. We have become that house. My four daughters have friends coming in and out all the time. Several of their friends say we are their second family, they call me mom, and honestly, sometimes I feel like they are part mine! ;) I love it! I wouldn't have it any other way!

In the past few years, we have had 3 foreign exchange students during separate six- month segments of time. Two girls from Brazil and one from Italy. I grew to love each of these girls as they became a part of our family while they were here...each bringing with them a new opportunity for growth and learning to our family as well as us helping them to grown and learn in different ways while they were here- indepedent of their birth families.

Tomorrow, Shyanna's best friend from illinois, Sierra, arrives. We are soooo excited to have her spend the week with us! Then, we will turn around and say good-bye to our exchange student, Val, Tuesday morning. Wednesday, we have a FEAR FACTOR birthday party for Shyanna, and I believe we will have around 10 more girls sleeping over. Then Thursday sometime, we are expecting our new frimly (friend + family), the DeBords. They will be moving in which will be an adventure that we are very much looking forward to! That will bring us to a total of 4 adults, 8 girls, 4 dogs, and 1 cat in our lovely home. :) New meaning to the words, "Neu Crew Zoo" that some of our friends have coined us with over the years, won't it?! Hehehe

But, all of this, as crazy as it sounds...as busy as it is...makes me soooo grateful!! I am grateful people feel comfortable being here. I am grateful that people feel the love that we have for them. Today, at church, a Bible verse was shared. 1 John 4:7-12 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

I have heard and read these verses previously, but suddenly I am feeling what they say in a whole new light. I always say that love makes the world go 'round- but I feel like I am really just learning more and more what it really looks like to be loving- it is so much more about action and so much about focussing more on others and less on self. To me, it IS what REALLY matters. Loving God and loving others....nothing matters more!!

Toby Mac is one of my favorite all time Music Artsists and this is probably one of my favorite songs of his..."Love is in the house and the house is packed. So much so, I left the back door cracked. Mama always said it's a matter of fact- when love is on the house, the house is packed." You can listen to it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGJjbQckGb4

I truly hope that our home is always packed and full of love! I am so very thankful to be filled with love for others and I know that the love I have is only there because I feel so fully God's love, mercy, and grace in my own life.

Marriage...a Dream within a Dream

2010-12-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

I love that movie! And THAT is one of my favorite lines of all time. The reality of it all, though, is that marriage is hard work!
I realized that to some point before I got married. I was afraid of marriage. Out of all the people I knew who were married, most were also divorced.
A little more than a year ago, I had been married for around 14.5 years. I had known my husband for 17 years. During that time, we had our fair share of ups and downs. Fortunately, we always said, we had never been down at the same time. Suddenly, all of that changed. We were both down at the same time. Neither of us were sure how this whole thing would pan out.
The truth of the matter is that I went back to my hometown and I talked to some of my family and let them know where I was in it all. The way I saw it, we had a few options...we could stay married and unhappy until our youngest was 18. We could make the decision to quit and move on. We could work it out- but it was going to be WORK, if that was what we chose.
I will never forget something about that time. I thought,again and again, about my own life. I had been a child of divorce. I thought about my kids. I thought about the work that would undboubtedly come from a divorce- all the possible unpleasantries....but more than that....I thought about what my baby brother said to me.
"Cal, when was the last time you put on a killer dress and got all dolled- up for your husband? You know, it may seem bad, but us guys like the lady on our arm to look hot." Then he said, "And, you can't quit. You are an example to the rest of us. We look up to you."
Truth in love. That was tough to here. I HAD RESPONSIBILITY. I needed to realize my part in my marriage and in the lives of people around me.
I went home. My husband and I talked....we decided to WORK at our marriage. I had left feeling like I knew what HE needed to do to help. Since then, I have repeatedly seen things I need to do to make our marriage better.
I think that is what I want to share...as once again, I am seeing that marriage is like life. Constantly changing. New needs and desires arise. We really need to be like a student of our spouse and learn what those things are constantly, and then work to meet them. The joy lies there. Meeting a need- filling a gap- completing the other in some way.
It is the Holiday season....so while we are thinking about talking about GIVING...what about concentrating on GIVING ourselves to our spouse. Put a bow on yourself!! :)

When the Rubber Meets the Road

2010-12-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

All of us on on a road to somewhere...a journey if you will. Each of us has a path we choose to follow.

Sometimes, on this journey called "my life", I have gone down paths of beauty and found much joy. Sometimes, I have gone down very dark and scary paths and had to find my way to a new place. Other times, the path has seemed uneventful and fairly boring. While on the road, I have journeyed with some people, crossed paths with some, and have just walked by others.

The older I get, the more I realize how each person, as they travel down their own personal road, is valuable, is learning, growing, and experiencing what is necessary for them to become the person they were meant to be in the end. Along the road the people that we come in contact with can make a huge difference in the final outcome of our own journeys, if we let them. And, we have the capability of making a huge difference in the lives of those we come in contact with, if they let us.

I talk of loving people. I talk of wanting to help others. If this is true, then when things get ugly, when people make poor choices, when they lie or hurt me in some way as they struggle down their path- I have a choice to make. Am I going to stay and show them love - maybe tough love- but love, none-the-less, or am I going to walk away from them and turn my back on an opportunity to potentially help them head down a path that is more full of life and joy and good opportunity. After all, some bad choices down a dark road does not mean that a person is a bad person. It means they may have simply made some bad choices...and haven't we all??

I hope I am going to back my words and my thoughts about loving people with action. When the rubber meets the road, I am hoping to grab the wheel and drive- with a purpose!

Aging Gracefully?

2010-12-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been struggling a bit. It's not really a "new" issue for me...but one that I have felt more irritated by and more vocal about since I have had 4 daughters.

I was always pretty athletic- when I was in school, I was never "overweight" but I was also never happy with the way my body looked. There was always something that I looked at and thought to myself..."This could look better." Most of the time it was my stomach...sometimes my legs, maybe my broken nose, at other times...freckles, oh and how 'bout that red hair?? However, I always liked my eyes! I sort of bought into the images society and mass media put before me about what beauty was and how ladies should look.

As I grew older, I had children. 4 in 5 years! My body became everyone else's for quite some time and I was honestly too tired and too busy to even really realize what it looked like. Before I knew it, I had not been pregnant for about 9 years and I had become 30 pounds or so overweight. (Truly overweight by medical standards). I was having knee pain and foot pain and realized I had not been tkaing care of myself in all the blissful busyness I was enjoying with my family and friends. I looked in the mirror and I saw fat and flab and thought to myself, "Wow...I thought these areas of my body were bad when I was in Highscool- what was I smoking??" The truth was, I was really in pretty good shape back then...muscular, and active...a far cry from where I was at that point and time.

I began working out again and realized what a big part of my life that had always been and how much I really missed it...and as playing with my kids, going up and down stairs and playing basketball got easier again...I realized how IMPORTANT it was! My knee and foot pain lessoned and I was toning and tightening and losing weight and inches.

As my face got thinner, I began to notice something new...WRINKLES!! "What? Where did those appear from so suddenly??" So, now, this is where I sit...I don't want to be vain. I don't want to buy into what society says looks good. I want to raise my girls up in such a way that this sort of thing isn't an issue for them. But, really?? How did my eyes get to looking so OLD???

Aging gracefully is probably just as much about how gracefully we accept the things we cannot change and make the most of what we still have as it is anything...This is a new area for me...the one thing on my body that I was always happy with is changing...I have teen agers...I am almost 40. "Should I gain weight again so my face is more full and then the wrinkles will be more smooth? No...my health is most important." Haaaaahhhh.....continual change causing me to continually grow...that's one thing I know will never change. :)

What if...

2010-11-30T09:04:00.001-07:00

[What if God wants us to be honest and true more than He wants us to obey "the rules?"]

This is a question posted by one of my Facebook friends this morning.

Without even thinking, I found myself blurting out, "HE DOES!"

I love it when I get a confirmation about something I have recently heard or seen. For me, I usually know it is something I need to pay attention to because it is something that is brought to my attention more than once...more than twice... ;) (so maybe what I am saying is that sometimes it takes me a little time to catch on!)

I think about the stories I have read in the Bible. In each one I can think of, Jesus was into hanging out with and loving on, the people who were "themselves" - honest- what they were doing may have been "ugly", "sinful", they may have been "diseased", or an average or below average joe...but the ones his heart seemed to be drawn to were the ones who were who they were... (like Popeye- you know, "I am what I am")

Now, on the other hand, you had the religious leaders - the "churchy people", if you will. They appeared holy- sometimes "Holier than Thou" and Jesus really seemed to have little tolerance for them. Why?
I think it is because God is much more concerned with what is in our hearts, than what we look like on the outside. If all we are really concerned about is looking good- seeming to follow all the rules (which by the way NONE of us is completely capable of doing), and having our acts together all the time....then we aren't being who we are. Who we are is flawed...imperfect...unholy...

And, if we are acting like we are perfect, we are in effect making those around us feel like we are unapproachable in many ways...Most people won't really be themselves and open up around a person they only see "being good" or "perfect" all the time. They are afraid of being judged against that kind of person because of their imperfections. Jesus was (is) approachable. He wants us all to come AS WE ARE ....not as they wish they were....with imperfections, unholiness, and flaws...

The video below is another way this question was brought to my attention a couple of days ago...

http://vimeo.com/17269581
And check out my cousin's blog- kind of on the same subject about a week or so ago...

http://tdubble.blogspot.com/2010/11/effin-changed.html

Letting Go...Nothing but net!

2010-11-19T23:36:00.001-07:00

It is crazy! Lately, I feel like I am learning to "let go" again and again....and I guess I have to admit, it is kinda freeing to let go...so much more relaxing than trying to pull back, and hold on, and redirect. It is refreshing, I guess. There are just so many things in life I really have no control at all over and I am learning that this is absolutley OK.

The most recent thing has been my oldest daughter. I love her with all my heart. She is amazing and wonderful and I completely trust her. But, at some point I wasn't lining those feelings up with action. She is a great basketball player- she "gets" the game. She has basketball I.Q. and she shoots about 50% these days from the 3 point line. She can rebound like crazy..she has some good defense and some great post moves!

I was on her, though. Not in front of everyone else...but I was constantly asking her what she was working on- trying to get her to do more- sort of pushing her. I wasn't the only one who was doing this...but, I will take responsibility for my part for sure!

I had been coaching her since she was in kindergarten and it was hard to realize that perhaps we were entering a phase of her life when basketball wasn't about "us"- but about "her". This game has reached a stage in High School level, where it has become her game. She was getting frustrated by all the extra involvement from home...she wasn't loving it anymore or having much fun for that matter.

I heard her loud and clear when she said she didn't, and then added that she didn't want to play Travel Ball anymore...OUCH! That was hard to hear. For years she had been - we had been- talking about her getting a scholarship, playing in college, trying for WNBA...and coaching. Now, suddenly within a matter of seconds, none of that was in the picture...

So, I backed down. I said, "You know, I am proud of you for having the courage to say what is on your mind and I am excited what will come as a result of your decision." I stepped back. I would drive her to a lesson, (she has a great opportunity for private lessons with a coach who was All American and played for UCONN), to and from practice, do what she needed- but what she needed would no longer be determined by me- but by her!

It has been amazing to see her take off with this. She is making decisions and practicing on her own. She is asking me to make sure we schedule those private lessons. She is now not only playing, but starting on Varsity as a freshman and she is having fun again! She has gotten her edge back, too. She has stepped up and said, "There are upper classmen who want my spot- I have to work hard to keep it." and "I am a freshman starting Varsity- I need to be a leader!"

I would not have the pleasure of witnessing her grow had I not let go!! On top of that- I get to enjoy being her supportive parent- with no other motive than just watching my baby do what she loves and have fun doing it! In the game of life that feeling could be labeled as "Nothing but net!" :)

Parallel Worlds Intersect!

2010-11-15T13:42:00.001-07:00

As I write this I am smiling from the inside out! I think it is absolutely cool and amazing how life works and it is with much enthusiam and anticipation that I think about all the possibilities of the future right now!

What has happened is this: about a month ago one of my best friends in the world from Canton, Ohio texted me on a Sunday morning. She told me that they had some friends that we would love who were moving from Canton to Colorado! She wanted me to "friend" the mom of the family on Facebook. So, of course I did just that! (This is the second time one of my best friends told me about a new friend I needed to meet in a new area we had just moved to- the last one turned into another best friend- what did I have to lose?)

So, I "friended" this lady and came to find out that her husband was coming before her and their FOUR DAUGHTERS....Yes! That's right- 4 girls...all between the ages of 13-8 (we have four daughters between the ages of 15-10 and Mark came out here before us) Coincidence?? I think not!

In our emailing on FB, I discovered that she was very emotional about all of this- leaving family, friends, being a temporary single parent to four daughters with a busy life, the oldest daughter was quite down on the whole move, and somewhere within all of that- she knew this was for the best and would all work out.

Wow....my heart immediately became attached to this family. I felt for them, literally! After all, we had just been down such a similar road just a couple months before. I remembered Mark talking about how lonely it was to stay in a hotel for 4 months- how much he missed me and the kids and the busyness of our lives together. I felt not only for this Momma that I could relate to, for the oldest daughter- who reminded me of my oldest, but also for this Dad that was beginning to remind me of my husband.

Well, as anyone who knows me knows...I wanted to extend a helping hand...to try to help in some way...it was on my heart to offer the Dad to move in with our crazy family until he could find a home and get his family out here with him. I aksed Mark-- which many people know is the logical one of us, and will often pull me back down to the ground when my heart starts fluttering with emotion all over the place...I was wondering...what will he say? Will it be "No, not now..." I mean, we do already have an exchange student here. He has said "not now" about adopting, about bringing an 18 year old homeless boy into our home...I wasn't sure....

HE SAID, "YES!!" And it gets more amazing!! In fact, when we lived in Canton, we lived only a block away from this family. Our kids took dance lessons at the same dance studio and in fact in some of the same classes! We were friends with some of the same people and never met! Never even remember seeing eachother!!

It was as if we lived in parallel worlds-- until a time such as this! We both took a turn- a little change in direction- to a new place and now our paths have crossed!! And, it is amazing! One might look at the situation and think that it seems like we are being "helpful", "caring", "sweet" or "generous". The fact of the matter is that we are doing just what we felt led to do. In return, we are feeling tremendously blessed - it is like having family here so far away....I really cannot wait to see how our family and this family develop relationally as our paths have intersected at a time when both of us have left so much behind and ventured out here! I cannot wait to see all that is in store for us as families and as friends. (I will keep you posted!) ;)

Exciting, right??!!

Kicking and Screaming...Silly Me!

2010-11-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

Lately, I cannot help but think about how torn up I was about this move to Colorado just a few short months ago. Some people may remember...I was tallying up how many miles this place was going to be from all of my loved ones, I was upset about just starting to "find myself" again and my love of exercise and feeling like I would have to give up and start over. I was feeling bad for my children and the fact that they were so sad to leave friends and family so far behind...I was sad about leaving my travel basketball team. I was just a big blob of emotions- dealing with being the only parent around for 4 girls for 4 months, and feeling all of my emotions, their emotions...it was all so difficult for me at the time.

The funny thing is, that I look at that now and I see my girls still keeping in touch with their friends, but making many new friends. I see them - and all of us- and how we have grown closer as a family again. We have found a fantastic church - and all of us have found friends there that are so caring and wonderful. Each person is also getting involved in life here and enjoying it!

I see Tanise diving into school- both, socially and scholastically, and trying new things and succeeding! Shyanna is in two different youth groups- one at church, and one through Young Life. She is enjoying basketball again at school and making some good friendships! I see Nikayta and Cadence both enjoying basketball and are excelling in gymnastics- making friends and enjoying being the last two still home with me doing school.

Mark is enjoying his job emmensely and is doing a fantastic job at it! (No one ever had doubts about that!) He is enjoying our church and family time...and starting to coach rec-league basketball where it is fun to hear him plan and enjoy developing skills of kids who may have never played before!

Then there is me....silly me....I feel like such a GOOF!! It brings tears to my eyes when I think of how well my whole family is doing and then I am so humbled by how well things are going for me, too. Me, the one who was feeling like I was "giving up" so much and on the inside - kicking and screaming the whole way. I LOVE the friends I am making. People I can tell, who are going to be like family to us here. I LOVE our church and how it emphasizes family and has such focus on partnering with parents to help their kids stay on the right path! I have found a place to get my hands dirty and help people in our community who are going through trying times through this church and also have been blessed with the opportunity to get up and act out life lessons for our family worship service- (how I LOVE the arts!) :)

And, as if all of that were not enough, I have already been asked to teach three Zumba classes a week starting in January! Two at a recreation center, and one for kids at a dance studio! As if that weren't enough, I actually just got a call from a Curves that wants me to teach Zumba in the Circuit there!! (They called me! - Unbelieveable!)

I am not coaching basketball right now...and I love coaching...but I am still going to have the opportunity to interact and maybe help occasionally...I miss my loved ones....but I FEEL SO BLESSED! I AM so blessed!

Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought such tremendous blessing awaited us here!! I am in awe...I am humbled, very, very thankful -and I am amazed!!

Lastly, did I mention the mountains and how you can see them from EVERYWHERE?? They are a blessing in and of themselves! I guess - as it is the case in many things and at many times- you never really know how things will be until you get there! If you never take the risk, you may never have the adventure or find the blessing!

Silly Me!!

"Your Name is on the Guest List!"

2010-11-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

Today I was reminded of some friends I have that say they cannot go into a church.... They say lightning would strike, the walls would fall - you get the idea...and if you are reading this, you know who you are....

The thing is, that is the FURTHEST thing from the truth!

For one thing, everyone in church is IMPERFECT! Everyone in church has problems, issues, concerns, questions, struggles, imperfections, and sin...

For another thing, the Bible CLEARLY tells us that Jesus came for people with problems, issues, concerns, questions, struggles, imperfections and sin.... there would be NO REASON for Him...if we WERE perfect!

My point is this, Jesus is an INCLUDER - not an EXCLUDER! He wants YOU!!! YOUR NAME IS ON HIS GUEST LIST!!!!

Pruning

2010-11-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

We recently did some yard work in preparation for winter.

It always gives me a sort of weird feeling as I cut bushes back and we remove branches from trees...

I guess it leaves me feeling a little sad. I mean, they look so beautiful and then we leave them looking half-dressed...weak...puny...almost damaged sometimes....

Then I focus on picturing them after winter ends. I picture them with tiny green leaves and blossoms and looking full and beautiful again! Ahhh! That's better!! The reality is that without the pruning we do, they would not grow as well- as full. Sure they would grow- but more slowly and sporadically.

The same thing happens to us in our lives. We grow, we get pruned, we recover- or rest, and we grow- more fully- becoming more beautiful!

If you are reading this and you are going through difficulties right now...remember that it is a season...you may feel and even look weak, tired, puny and damaged...but this time in your life will work to add to your beauty in the next season!

Did You Know?

2010-10-25T05:29:00.001-07:00

Did you know there once was a king who gave up his crown to live a life as an "illigitimate" child growning up in a home with his mother, half-brothers and half-sisters, and a step-dad.

As he grew, he chose to leave the comforts of a home and he became a homeless person, traveling around serving, and helping people he met along the way.

A lot of the people he chose to hang out with were people that most of society ridiculed, looked down on, or considered dirty..even hated.

Did you know that this person, really lived and there is documentation about him?

Did you know this is a person I look up to very much...and I hope that my life will even remotely resemble his by the time it is all said and done....?

Diverse City

2010-10-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....one thing I love about people is their differences! Yeah, exactly....what makes people uinque and different from others is what really gets me intereseted in a person. I like to meet someone who has a little flare in their style. A person who may say some words I am not used to hearing. A person who kinda stands out in a crowd - is the person I am drawn to.
Perhaps it is because, unwillingly, I was made aware of differences at a very young age. I had moved about 10 times by the time I was 11. I had a very unusual name..."Callico Sunshine Jones" , hair that looked very similar in color and shine to a brand new copper penny, and lots of freckles, was usually one of the taller people in my class and...oh yeah- did I mention I had glasses? I guess you could say I stood out in a crowd...and I remember not really liking that fact!
I had a best friend in High School whose mom was white and dad was black. This was more unusual when I was younger than it is now. We went to a predominently "white" school. I thought she was just the prettiest and coolest girl in the world. (She was VERY beautiful, was very athletic, smart, and compassionate- she was one of those people who will walk in and stand by someone when everyone else walks out.) I enjoyed learning how we were different- but loved the fact that our differences didn't matter- they made each of us individuals and therefore special. We were also very much alike in many ways...oh....she will always be so dear to my heart!
One of my favorite songs as a child was a song that talked about a little boy who went to school and the teacher wanted them to draw and color a picture. He painted his with many colors. He thought it was beautiful! Then the teacher told him that it was wrong. "Green grass is green, blue skys are blue." The little boy said, "There are so many colors in the rainbow, so many colors in the morning sun, so many colors in the flowers, and I see every one!" He ended up learning from her to paint in the way she wanted-- forgetting about all the colors and beauty he once saw! That song WOULD MAKE ME CRY as a little girl.
I was watching a kid at The Ohio State University walk down the road listening to his walkman (I am dating myself!) as I sat in my car at a light on the way to class. He was JAMMING! I was staring at him thinking, "How cool is it that he is singing at the top of his lungs, dancing spastically all over the place, and doesn't care about the line up of cars with people in them at this light he is right beside!" Then, he got really close to my car and flipped me off...and I realized I was staring and he had no idea that as I stared I had thoughts of how impressed and almost proud I was of him....
Living in Colorado now, I ADORE Boulder!! Why? I love the artsy feeling that surrounds me when I am there. I also LOVE the people I see there. Individuals everywhere! It is sooooo cool to me!! The beauty of God's creation everywhere- including people who get that they are individuals and do not have to conform. It is like a breath of fresh air to me!!
I have learned of two little girls in my life over the past year who have a mom of one race, and a dad of another. The little girls have people that point them out as different. They may even get labled in some ways. It saddens them and their parents because they grew up to a certain point not realizing they were at all different from anyone else around them. Suddenly, that is changing. I remember what it felt like to have those differences pointed out to me..."freckle face", "four eyes", "skinny minny", "toothpick", "carrot top"...have kids sing songs making fun of my name...It made me feel like the odd ball out...a strange creature...weird! I didn't like it. I wanted to be just like everyone else.
What happened to the song I used to love?? The beauty and freedom of seeing, accepting, and loving the beauty of difference and color and uniqueness?? I was trying to conform. Blech!
I am fortunate, as an adult, I have been able to recapture that awe for life and love of unique and I feel that I have passed that on to my children. It is the very thing, at times, that makes people different, that also makes them unique and beautiful!
How boring would the world be if everyone was the same. Looked the same, acted the same, sounded the same....How boring would it be if truly all grass looked green and the entire sky was always the same shade of blue?

A Mother's Prayer

2010-10-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father,
I pray for my daughter right now.
I pray beginning with her head, Lord, that You would help her to take her thoughts captive. That she would focus on good, noble, and beautiful things, Father.I pray her concerns would rest on doing what pleases You. I pray that she not be distracted or easily swayed.
I ask that her eyes be protected- not to see things that would put bad impressions in her mind- and that they would also be open to see things and people the way You do.
I pray that her ears hear Your truth and that she believe, but that she is able to block out untruth and harmful sounds. I pray for her mouth, that You would use it to bless others, to encourage and to uplift, to sing words that praise You and let others know who You are and how You have blessed her.
I pray, Father, that you guard her heart. Please help her to be loving, but to be wise with the emotion and love that she gives away. I pray that she would love You more than anyone or anything in this world and that she would seek You in all things with all of her mind and heart.
I pray, God, that she would trust You - know that You have her best interest at heart and plans for her life for good and not harm. I pray, Lord, that her heart would break over the things that break Your heart- that she would have compassion and mercy. I also pray that her heart would be filled with joy over the things that bring You joy.
Heavenly Father, I ask that her hands would be used to serve others and care for Your people and to care for those others might consider less than worthy. I pray that she would see the value and worth in every life- as You do.
I pray that she would be prayerful always...bringing all of her life and all of her dreams, goals and desires before You. I pray that she would also bring others to You in prayer on a regular basis and would realize that battles we fight are not battles of the flesh...but spiritual, and that she must rely on You.
I pray that she would keep nutritional and healthy things going into her body and take care of herself physically.
I pray, God, that she would hunger for You. I pray that she would know that she is a priceless and precious creation - made from Your hand- and that her body is Your Temple and needs to be cared for accordingly.
I pray that where her feet would go would be on the path that You have cleared and gone before her. I pray she would follow You always and be able to rest in the shadow of Your love and protection. I pray against her being distracted and led down dangerous paths.
I pray for the people in her life- that she would be a leader to others and that she would also be able to accept wise counsel. I pray that she would be surrounded by those that love and cherrish her.
I pray You would put people in her life that keep her accountable and help her along life's journey who also love You and that these relationships would be like iron sharpening iron.
I pray for her spouse - I pray that if it is in Your plan for her to marry, that You would help each of them remain pure and have less baggage to bring into their relationship.
I pray that You would let them be like-minded in their beliefs in raising children, following You, dealing with finances, and serving others. I pray You would already be protecting him and helping Him to follow You and love You above all else. I pray You would guide that relationship and anything and everything it entails.
God, I also pray that You would start with me. Help me to be the mother You know she needs. Help me to be a good example to her of a woman, a wife, a friend, a sister, a mother, and Your daughter. Give me the right words to say when she needs to hear them. Help me to support her and encourage her and love her the way you know she needs. Help me to be a warrior on her behalf. To fight against the evils of this world that would try to knock her down and destroy her.
She has changed my life and I love her. I trust You with her and thank you for her life and the blessing she is to so many. I praise You, because she is fearfully and wonderfully made!
In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen

Intentional...

2010-10-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

Intentional...Intentional....Intentional.

That has been the buzz word as of late for me! It keeps buzzing into my ears and then it lingers in my heart after I hear it!

So, what does it mean??: conscious, deliberate, intended, knowing, purposeful, purposive, set, voluntary, willed, willful (or wilful), witting....

The context in which this word keeps coming up is RELATIONALLY.

So, what does it look like to be INTENTIONAL in RELATIONSHIPS??

Well, let me say that in the beginning of most relationships we have- we try to reach out to the other person. We call, write, see them as often as we can, perhaps we do things for them that we know they will like, we say sweet and encouraging things to them...basically, we do and say what we can when a relationship is new to let the other person know we care about them and the relationship we have with them.

Sooner or later, we reach a point in most relationships, however, where we kinda sorta don't keep doing all of that. I am not sure if we just get to a place where we feel like the other person should know we care by now, or we just don't realize that we are no longer placing as much energy there because we have started placing our energy in other places.

I am convinced that LOVE is what makes the world go round. I am a big fan of LOVE! I wear lots of "heart jewelry" and even have a "heart tattoo". I value relationships above all else! People are important to me and it is important that people I know - know they are valued and important to me.

Hmmmm....what I have realized lately, though, is that I am not always as intentional as I could or should be in making sure people know I care. I am usually not as intentional about it as I was when the relationship first began.

I am working on that now... No matter how long I have been in a relationship with a person, it is imperative that they KNOW they are still as important today as they were the day our relationship began! Heck, they are MORE important today!!!!

In the day-to-day living I do I am going to be sure I pray for them. I am going to be more intentional about keeping in touch. (With all the technology we have today that shouldn't be so hard!) Phone calls, emails, writing on their facebook wall, a text...make a "Skype Date", hopefully, setting up travel dates!

The people that are physically closer to me...I am going to turn the distrations off- the music, the TV...so we can TALK. Make plans with them to do things together...go back to the basics...SHOW them INTENTIONALLY that they matter as I use words of encouragement, serve them when I can, spend time with them, hug them- pat them on the back, and as I can, give them little gifts.

Love is action...showing someone that I love them means I must DO something. I cannot just assume they know I care. I must be INTENTIONAL!

So, let me start here...if you are one of the people I have not been being intentional with about letting you know you matter to me, you DO matter! And starting now, let me try to reach out and remind you of how special you are!! :)

Incredibly Thankful!

2010-10-11T06:53:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I take life for granted!
Sometimes, I forget to really look at all the many wonderful things I have been blessed with.
Sometimes, I am given an opportunity to slow down and I have a chance to really reflect- and those are moments that cause me to stand in awe....

In the everyday living...homeschooling, taxi-driving, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, cheering on my kids and husband, playing nurse, counselor, caring for our animals, helping others, working out and ...well, you get it...everyday living...I sometimes lose sight of how I am blessed!

This weekend, I was able to spend time with my 12 year old daughter. As we spent time together, she looked at me with a big smile on her face and said, "Mommy, you really have taught us a lot!" I said, "I have?" (We went on a little mini-retreat together to talk about life- changes that were coming her way and whatever she might have had questions about along the way...more teaching moments, I suppose...and some very cool memory making- with 4 kids within 5 years of eachother, it isn't often I get to have such a big chunk of time with just one!)

She went on to say, "Yes! You taught us to read, and tie shoes, and walk, and write, and roller skate and swim, and do math ...about God, how to treat people- you have taught us a LOT!"

In that moment, and with those words from my young daughter, I supppose I felt more blessed than I ever thought possible!! I am sooooooo thankful that I have been able to be with my daughters so much - to be able to spend so much time with them and to be so influential in their lives in day-to-day living!

What an honor and a privledge to be able to have children...and then to be able to be such a big part of their learning and their lives! I am incredibly THANKFUL!

Helpless but not Hopeless

2010-10-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

People who know me- even those who don't know me well...usually know that I am active. I am not one to just sit around relaxing for the most part. Those who know me also know that if someone I love has a problem, I do whatever I can to help. If you are sick, I can make soup. You have dirty floors? I can clean them. You need a schedule to help you get things done; I will make one with you. You need help with your kids- count on me. You need to talk; I will listen. Ask for prayer- I'm on it! You get what I am saying, I am sure. I love to serve. I love to help. On the other hand....I hate feeling helpless....like there is nothing I can "do".

I have this thing called "Mercy" at the top of my list when it comes to Spiritual Gifts . "Acts of Service" and "Quality Time" are how I show love and feel loved, if you are studying The Five Love Languages. And if you are familiar with Living Your Strengths , my top five are Achiever, Maximizer, Relator, Strategic and Responsibility. If you understand any of this, you understand that I am very much a "do-er" and that urge to DO is fueled BIG TIME when I feel compassion about a situation or person(s).

I tell you ALL of that to say this...Since we moved to Colorado, I am perhaps further away from some of the people I love than I have ever been in my life. I am experiencing something very new to me because of this. I FEEL HELPLESS! I can easily count on all my fingers and toes people I am far away from right now that my heart is longing to help. To hug, to see, to be there and do whatever they need as often as I can to help them in some way as they go through some very difficult things right now.

It actually makes me cry as I think about them and the circumstances they are in. What they are going thru. With tears in my eyes, I realize that the best thing...really the only thing I can do is pray. I have always prayed for people. I always will. But this is new to me. I am used to being able to pray and do something. I can do nothing BUT pray now....

I was in the same situation of feeling helpless when we moved here and I watched one of my children struggle with this move they did not wish to make. Though I tried to do what I could to help them adjust and feel good in the new situation they were in, I really couldn't do anything but pray. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. Or just cried as I listened to her or thought about her.

This feeling of being helpless is difficult for me.

It reminds me though, that God wants us to be like little children when we come before Him...and one thing all little children are is helpless. We come into this world so dependent on others. I guess just as a child depends on adults for protection, food, shelter, comfort, etc., we are dependent on God. I am dependent on God. It is really HIM that takes care of those I love. Even when I DO what I can to serve them and help them...it is HIM working through me to help them...and no doubt as I sit here and pray for, think about, cry over people I love and their situations...HE is HELPING them. Maybe this time around He is just working through other people to DO...and I am sitting here learning again that it isn't always about what we are physically doing...maybe I am learning to have more faith and more trust, like a child trusts and relies on their parent when they are helpless...

I may feel Helpless, but I am not Hopeless!

Temptation

2010-09-17T16:58:00.001-07:00

Well, this can be a touchy subject....people don't often want to admit they have temptations...

A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. (wikipedia)

I have been faced with temptations in my life again and again....sometimes on a daily basis! Some of them have been easy to turn away from. Others, have been quite difficult.

Just recently one of my biggest temptations...and hardest to overcome...has gotten a little easier. I stuggle with Pepsi! I love the carbonation...the sweetness...the coolness....Ahhhhhh! Wow!....And if it is from a fountain- THAT'S the BEST!

For the past year, I allowed myself to have it once a day, after cutting back from having a couple or more a day. When I began doing P90X, Tony kinda sorta said it was a good thing to cut it out. And, I knew deep inside, he was right!! (That's the same with most temptations....they make you feel like they are beneficial...almost good for you in some way...and in reality it is just emptiness...and often bad for you.) It really is nothing but empty calories and loads of sugar I don't need and caffiene that I already get from other sources... (another addiction?) So, as addicted as I had been, I stopped having it daily and allowed myself to have a little on the weekend... :)

What I have found with Pepsi as with other temptaions I have had in my life is that those temptaions which are not good for me fade...they are somehow removed....sometimes slowly but surely and sometimes altogether and rapidly!

This Pepsi Addiction has been kind of a slowly fading one...and suddenly I tried to drink it today for a treat- and YUCK! It really made me feel kinda sick! What in the world??!! I don't think I will be tempted by that one for a while!! :) I hope not anyway.....

Learning thru Yoga

2010-09-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

I have been doing P90X for about 20 days. It is great work out program! The beauty of it is that it brings variety and challenge to the work out. Day one- Back, Chest and Abs. Day two- Plyometrix. Day three- Shoulders, Arms and Abs. Day four- Yoga. Day five- Back, Legs and Abs. Day six- Kenpo. Day seven- Stetch/Rest.

This program is good for me as it calls for balance...a little bit of everything. Anyone who knows me at all, knows I can really dive into things- especially if I enjoy them! I enjoy exercise and if this program didn't challenge me to be "EXTREME" and push myself to shaking burn out on the weights end, I would probably double up and maybe even triple up! I cannot, though as my muscles are shaking and done by the end of my reps...

I struggle the most, I think with Yoga! I enjoy it, don't get me wrong. I love the challenge of holding a position, focussing on relaxing unused muscle groups, breathing steadily, and then having muscle groups I am using shake as I hold a position for as long as I can. I feel challenged and fatigued and stetched...and by the end of the hour and a half session, I am feeling like I am so at peace that I could fall asleep in corpse pose, or child's pose!

The BALANCE portion of it, however, is my biggest challenge. I actually laugh at myself sometimes as I stuggle to find balance in some of the poses and sometimes as I fall out of a pose, I laugh out loud. It got me thinking the other day as this was happening...."Isn't it ironic that THIS is the same area I struggle with most in my life? BALANCE..." I have to restrain myself and try to find balance in all areas....I could easily over eat! I love food! I could easily become so busy that I have no time to rest. I could easily allow exercising to take too much of my time. I could easliy spend hours on the computer researching. I could easily demand the house be spotless all the time. I could easily volunteer to help other people so much that I leave no time to take care of myself. Balance is what I need to work on in Yoga and in life.

I am thankful that for people who know me well enough to know they can ask me if I am keeping it all in check. I am thankful that I am gentley reminded how important it is to not become too extreme in any one direction that other important areas are neglected. Breathe---- balance....focus.

Untitled

2010-09-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in church after a pretty moving morning in Rush Hour yesterday. We broke into "family groups" and my family group consisted me and my husband, our own children, and children from 2 other families. I just LOVE kids of all ages, so I was really feeling blessed to have a chance to talk with the kids, teens and tweens about how they are gifted and talented. Rush Hour also has singing, dancing and really cool skits that make you laugh as you learn..(it really has become one of the highlights of my week, since we started going a few weeks ago!) I came into "Big Church" feeling good!

The pastor came out on stage with a mega phone, and some big sign hanging around his neck that said something about "YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL!" He was shouting out words of condemnation we have all heard before...things about drinking, lust, dressing immodestly...I knew he was trying to make a point...I knew this wasn't his style...I have seen this style though, before.

He took off that "costume" and he ended up saying something that immediately brought tears to my eyes... "The reason people don't believe God loves them is because Chirstians don't love them." In fact, that makes tears come to my eyes every time I think about it!!

THAT is TRUTH- cut right to the heart!! Jesus himself came for the poor, prisoners, blind, oppressed, lost...he had COMPASSION....he showed LOVE. He came to PROCLAIM FAVOR. To save the world...not to condemn!

I don't know why sometimes as Christians, we act like we are perfect? Christians are certainly no more perfect than anyone else in the world! The main thing is that a Christian knows they are NOT perfect and therefor, they know they need a saviour...I know that I mess up EVERY day! I am SOOO not perfect! SOOO IMPERFECT!Why wouldn't I, a Christian, want to extend and share that same mercy and grace shown to me-to the people around me on a daily basis?

It breaks my heart to here the words "The reason people don't believe God loves them is because Christians don't love them." Because, I have felt that way. I have felt that condemnation from Christians that made me feel unworthy, unloveable, unaccepted. I have had people in my family and some friends go through that as well. It really does push people away from Christianity....from Christians....from God.

I cannot speak for any other Christian. But I pray that no one I come in contact with would ever feel that from me. I pray that the people that surround me would feel LOVE. That they would KNOW I am just as human as they are and struggle just as they do...

"Since when are Christians better than anyone else?" he said. The truth is...we aren't. We just know we need the Grace and Mercy and Love that comes from God through Jesus.

Hmmmmm....just can't get it out of my head..."The reason people don't believe God loves them is because Christians don't love them."......

Take Time to Celebrate!

2010-09-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I was able to watch The Ohio State Buckeyes play Marshall over dinner with my husband and some of his work colleagues.

It was a great game for Ohio State, and as I watched the game, I was reminded of something.

Each time a touchdown was scored, there was a little bit of time spent celebrating!

Seeing the little dances, the chest bumps, the finger pointing out to the crowd as the player came into the end zone- all little acts of celebration- that seemed to make me smile even more than the actual touchdown!

I thought to myself, "THAT'S IT! We have to take time to celebrate!"

Too often, I think we stay so focussed and so set on our "to do" or "honey do" list that we forget how important it is to take even just a few mintues to celebrate the job well done, the process of our lives, the monuments both big and small that occur throughout the "game" of our lives.

A tooth came out, a new thing learned, a task completed, an anniversary, a birthday, a wedding, a birth, a problem solved, a step in the right direction taken, a new song learned, a new relationship, a broken relationship mended....

How about just celebrating the process? Each touchdown was a step closer to the end result of a won game. Each day we live is a step closer to the end result of our lives. Along the way, there is soooo much to dance, sing, and shout about! I don't think we should wait til the very end to reflect on that! I think we should try to reflect on the steps along the way- and take joy in them daily!

TAKE TIME TO CELEBRATE!

Bloom Where You're Planted

2010-08-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

Where you are planted....

Well, right now we are planted in Colorado. All of us. Mark, me, Valentina, Shyanna, Tanise, Nikayta and Cadence.

We have had some emotional happenings as of late because of this fact.

Valentina arrived from Brazil on August 7th. Almost 3 weeks ago. She is a doll. We love her to pieces! It was her choice to come to the USA as an exchange student.

Sometimes choosing to be planted someplace doesn't make adjusting to the new soil any easier. She was shedding a lot of tears the first week of her stay. She was talking to and skyping with her friends and family a lot, too. She was very homesick.

Enter Shyanna. She had done so well in Romeoville her first year in public school. She had made many friends- some very dear, in fact. She also exploded on their basketball team. I guess you could say she found her niche and was loving her life. So much so, that she said she did not even want to move back to our home state of Ohio!

Transplated, not by choice, she has also been homesick. Not for her family as much (since we are here with her), but for her friends, her basketball teams, her familiar and comfy environment, the things she was looking forward to there.

We had to make some tough decisions with our girls. We had to limit time Val spent with family and friends in Brazil on the computer and phone. We may have to limit possible trips back to Illinois for Shyanna. We sometimes have to limit contact with the past so we can concentrate on the here and now. So we can grow roots and begin to bloom where we are.

A seed that keeps trying to come up out of the ground where it is planted cannot grow roots and flourish. And so it is with us. We cannot deny the place we are planted to become our home and begin to establish friends, hobbies and a life. If we are to deny these things, we are to deny all the beautiful possibilities that are before us for growing and blooming and becoming who we are supposed to be there.

Though we miss people and we have memories and plans that have not yet been fulfilled in places we have been, we cannot dwell there....where we HAVE BEEN. For by not digging into the soil that is currently around and soaking up all that it offers, a seed will never grow and a blossom can never bloom.

We must learn to BLOOM WHERE WE ARE PLANTED.

Green Pastures and Still Waters

2010-08-23T07:41:00.001-07:00

All of my life, I have bee an achiever. Some might say an over-achiever. (lol) At times, it seems that the word "rest" could not possibly have been a word in my vocabulary! I have always enjoyed making lists and checking things off. The bigger the project, the better! People around me would just assume let me work alone as I rarely know how to even take a break! My philosphy has been that of "get the work done and then we can eat or play."

Lately, though, all the busyness that I am accustomed to has been stripped away. There are no complications...fewer responsibilities...and beautiful green pastures, sunrises and sunsets, wildlife, and mountains everywhere I look! In fact, I have had a fox walk before my path and even a snake slither before my feet while walking around a reservoir and enjoying a gorgeous sunset this past week.

I feel rested. I used to get "heart palpitations" on occasion from nerves being jumpy- probably from being "maxed out" from all the many activities I was involved in and the many responsibilities that I held. Now, I look around me and notice a steady rhythm in my breathing and heart beating. I do not feel the stress that I once was so used to feeling and it seems to be making a difference in my ability to truly enjoy the many blessings in my life.

I can actually hear animals around me...crickets, locusts, and birds. People I care about talk to me and I am completely focussed on what they are saying and can enjoy hearing and seeing them as they share their lives with me! My husband and I have been able to spend good quality time together every day and share our lives, thoughts and feelings. I no longer have to go for a run to clear my head and think. I have a clear head...I am not distracted.

Worshipping God has never been easier! I see Him in everything surrounding me! His creation is magnificent and I am constantly marveled by it and by his many provisions for my family.

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters."... verses I always thought talked about death. Now, I am realizing for the first time in my life that this is the key to LIFE! God doesn't want any of us so busy or so stressed that we are unable to enjoy the many blessings He has put before us! He leads us and makes us so that we can enjoy Him and all of His creation. The people, the places, the animals and the scenery! GOD IS SO GOOD!

All About Me

2010-08-16T15:35:00.003-07:00

WOW! Today I am hit pretty hard.
Today I heard this still small voice that said- "Callico, why is everything about you?"

On my way home from taking the teens school shopping and doing our grocery shopping we managed to get into a traffic jam. A traffic jam out in the country, not during rush hour and about half an hour from home.

I sat there and enjoyed listening and watching the girls dance and sing to a couple songs on the radio...and then I began to get impatient!

I had two daughters waiting for us at home. I had a supervisor coming over to take pictures of our home for the exchange student program. I had to get home to clean up some things before that happened. I had frozen veggies in the back of the van that were thawing. I had to PEE!

Did you hear me?? I HAD! I. I. I. I. I. I. I. ......

UGH! Then it happened, we came across the hold up. There were skid marks all across the road from what looked like the other side of the median and when you followed them to where they ended, you saw a car- a car that had completely flipped and there were things lying on the ground around it. It made me want to PUKE that I had been so concerned about ME!

Started thinking, then. That still small voice was RIGHT ON! (Unfortunately) For the past year, I am realizing how self-centered and self-seeking I have been. I HAVE made it all about me. Virtually everything! I used to be selfless and so other-motivated. What happened???

I went from being a stay-at-home mom who wrapped her world around her husband and children, to this lady who seemed to never have enough. Not given enough credit, clothes, purses, time to herself, or jewelry for that matter. I went from being so involved at church- singing, praying with people, leading small group and doing Children's Ministry- to not being involved at all. Who had I been serving for the past year? Who had I been concerned about?? Me. That's who!

I got the message today. I am not feeling good about it at all. But, I guess it is better to hear it and be able to work at getting back to the basics of caring more about others....less about me, than to have not heard it.

I realize I will need a balance. It is never good to go to the complete extreme on either level, I am realizing. I will need to take care of myself so I can care for others. But, right now, I guess I am still digesting this rough message....

Second Chances

2010-08-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

This is my second attempt at writing this blog and how fitting to be writing about second chances! This just keeps in what appears to be the theme of my week- first week in our new home in Colorado!

It all started last week when a pregnant lady was going door-to-door in our neighborhood selling magazines to put herself through Nursing College. She asked if we believed in second chances. Immediately I said, "Yes!" She gave me a high five and asked me why, to which I replied, "Because I have been given second chances." She shared that she felt she was being given a second chance through this selling opportunity as she was from the Inner City and had a baby on the way and was preparing for a better life for the two of them. I appreciated her story.

This past Sunday, my daughter shared with me that her pastor in Sunday school let each child in her class take one shot at a basket. That was all they got- one chance. After, the pastor asked if they would rather have had the opportunity for more than one shot- or chance and he proceeded with a lesson on second chances.

Later that day, our exchange student shared with us that she had been hit by a bus while walking. Then, last night we were jogging together outside and I heard her wheezing. She shared that she had asthma and when she was nine it was a big problem and took her to the hospital with cardiovascular trouble. (Talk about second chances!)

Then, today as I was preparing lunch, I heard one of my other daughters talking with her siblings about second chances....I thought, WOW! Could I hear that one more time?? WHAT is going on?

I have had a pretty lazy day with lots of time to think. (I am a thinker anyway- you will rarely- if ever catch me with nothing on my mind.) I thought about this apparent "theme" and why it is that it keeps coming up. I also thought about the many second chances I have been familiar with during my life.

I thought about me walking into a room where a heavy bookcase was and seeing my little brother climbing up on it just as it began tipping forward. I ran in and was able to hold it up until my mom could come in and help.

I thought about a friend of mine choking while we were on a trip to Washington DC and how I performed the Heimlich without being trained how and the food came dislodged and flew out of her mouth and she stopped choking.

I thought about the many times I had taken my life into my own hands as a young adult thinking I was invinceable and doing very stupid things! How it was a miracle at the very least I had made it through some of those situations.

I thought about a couple of friends who tried to commit suicide that I was able to be there for and get help - and thankfully they survived!

I remembered a time I was driving my Ford Escort to BGSU during a snow storm with some friends and how my car was spinning out of control as a semi approached from the other direction on a two lane highway. I fought and fought to straighten it out, but nothing worked until I completely let go of the wheel and sent up a little prayer. Suddenly, we were driving straight and out of harm's way.

I reflected on a couple relationships I have had with people that would be completely dead right now if it weren't for second chances.

Soon I was thinking about the present. About how in some ways it already seems as though we have been given a second chance with this move. A chance to bring our family closer to our values again. A chance to strengthen our relationships with eachother, a chance to see some economic growth, a chance to be more involved at church. Could it be that somehow we will be used here to help give another person a second chance at something? The possibilities are endless!

Who knows....but I know that the possibilities are there. They are ever present. You never know how many chances you will get in this life and you never know how you may be involved in another person's second chance....

Do I believe in Second Chances??? YES!!!! And, I am VERY THANKFUL for them!

Dumpster Diving

2010-07-30T15:59:00.001-07:00

A lot of changes are going on in my life right now. We have just relocated from Chicago, Illinois to Denver, Colorado. I have been living in a hotel with 4 girls, and two dogs for the past 4 days. We will be joined by my husband - and finally move into our new home - which by the way, I never even saw until we arrived here yesterday. I relied on my guy to find us the perfect place! (Yes, he did a fantastic job! I knew he would!)

I gave up coaching basketball. Something I have been passionate about for the past 9 or so years. I started coaching when my oldest was in Kindergarten and she is now going into 9th grade. I had recently established a couple of Zumba fitness classes at our local recreation center- and had to leave that, as well as a very fun neighborhood Zumba Fitness class and a lot of great neighbors!

Now- combine all of this with the fact that I was leaving some people I hold very dear to my heart- people I love. Add to that the fact that so were my family members and as you might know- a mother feels the pain her children feel...and I swear I felt every emotion they have had about this move right along with them.

We are also moving further from the family and friends we love in Ohio- which means less visits with them...this is yet another thing pulling at our heart strings!

On top of all of this- I have been a single parent of four girls and two dogs for 3 months. (My husband went on ahead of us to start his new job). Trying to keep all the regular things that go along with "normal life"as well as preparing for this move was definitely a challenge at times!

I am not complaining. I knew from the time we moved to our home in Illinois from our home in Canton, Ohio that we would be moving again. In fact, we thought we may only be in Chicago for a short 1 year to 18 months. With the economy taking a downward turn, we stayed for 3 yearsas Mark's company was not moving people into new positions for a while. I am simply saying all of this to say.....

At times, I have been a basket case. Crying. And crying. And crying. At times I have been a complete GRUMP. At times, I have been reclusive and wanted nothing from no one. My emotions have been all over the place and sometimes very ugly. I certainly haven't felt quite like my normal self. I have not had the patience and cheer and joy and love that I seem to normally have quite easily.

It was when I threw my keys into a dumpster along with our trash somewhere in Nebraska and on our way to Colorado that something occurred to me. The dumpster stank! The keys went right to the bottom...I could see them- but there was no way to reach them without diving in after them. It wasn't pretty!

That is when my 3rd daughter smiled and said, "Sure, I will get them..."and with a smile on her face, she went in, grabbed them and came out! I have thought about that over and over the past couple days.

It reminded me of other loved ones in my life- and how they dive right in with me - sometimes without me- when things are going bad and they stink and they smile and say "Sure!" It is through these times in life when things can get ugly- when IIIII can get ugly and IIII stink - that I most see and feel the love of those who choose to ignore the stench and be there with me and for me!

It reminds me and inspires me to be that kind of person- to have that kind of selfless love for those in my life who need that smile and willingness to dive into the stink of the dumpster!

Running and Life

2010-06-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

OK! Yesterday was the day! I went to bed Friday night and said to myself, "Tomorrow morning is the day I am going to wake up, eat some cottage cheese, drink some coffee, a bit of water, and go out and accomplish 3 miles!"
Saturday morning I woke up and followed my planned schedule. I was determined to accomplish my goal. I had it in my head that it would be important to keep a slow pace so I would not tire too soon. I chose my music accordingly on my ipod. Nothing too fast- but upbeat enough to keep me moving!
As I jogged, I found that I needed to stay focussed. I had a rhythm going and I tried to keep it as steady as I could. At times, there were distractions, but I took my thoughts captive and blocked out those distractions as they came up- "The sun is so hot- I can feel the sweat dripping...NO! Here is the rhythm....concentrate on the run." "Move into the grass- there is a person walking dogs...NO! Keep the rhythm in the grass." "Where did the breeze go?? I am sooo hot! NO!- Keep the rhythm...finish the run. Meet the goal." "I am gonna finish this! - FASTER- FASTER! NO! Keep up the rhythm...no distractions....stay focussed."
I just knew that it was going to happen- the only thing that could possibly stand in my way was me~! And, I wasn't gonna let that happen!
The last half of a mile was so hard. Not because I was tired- but because I had to restrain myself! I was smiling from ear to ear! I mean, I had the biggest, silliest grin on my face because I knew I was about to accomplish my goal! I can only imagine what neighbors thought as they drove by and saw me running out there! lol
At last, it took me 40 minutes, but I ran - no stopping- no walking, for 40 minutes and made 3.08 miles! I was pumped! I felt like I could do anything! Is that a "Runner's High" Perhaps I should have kept going?!
Lessons for me as I ran concerning life. KEEP FOCUSSED. Don't be distracted by things and people that try to take your eyes off of your priorities. There have been other areas of my life that I look at now and realize how I let something slip in and take my eyes off of what really mattered. If I pursue all of the relationships and goals in my life with such determination, there is really no telling how successful they will be. Not allowing distractions to interfere is HUGE! When I listen- really listen- keep my mind from wandering. When I am studying, really study and do not let anything take me away from it until I am done. When I have time with someone- devote that time to them- the cell phone can wait.
And on another end of the spectrum- don't push it, one thing at a time and then you can set new goals and strive for new accomplishments. Sometimes, a distraction can be as simple as trying to plan for the next thing before the current thing is even finished! (That's a problem us crazy planner-type people have!)
I love running as it gives me time to think and has been teaching me so much about life as I learn more about running.
I accomplished another small goal...next- picking up the pace! :)

Guarding Hearts

2010-06-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...this is a tough one for me. I am a firm believer in LOVE. I feel like it is what makes the world go round...but in being loving, we put ourselves out there- we are vulnerable...and when we are vulnerable, we open ourselves up and can end up delving into a beautiful relationship with another human being, or we can end up very hurt.
The Bible is very clear on what love is and what it is not. Love is patient and kind, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It does not boast, isn't proud, isn't rude, or self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. Being as straight-forward as all that is, I will be the first to admit that I am not always good at LOVING- this action that I feel is so important in life.
I especially struggle with the "always trusts and always hopes" and sometimes the "keeps no record of wrongs." That struggle I have with those things stems from my heart being hurt in the past and not wanting to feel that pain again. But, what a viscious circle! I love, get hurt, am afraid to really love, and this could end up causing another person pain through my lack of love. My inability to be completely loving stems from being hurt myself. It affects the way I love. It reminds me of a saying my grandma would always say, "Hurt people, hurt people." It is not the intention always, but it is a reality.
So, throw in the "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Ahhhh....if only I would have learned this lesson early on in life. So, willing and eager to give my heart and be loving, I did not realize how important it was to protect that same heart. It is a lesson I hope to pass down to my daughters, for sure, and anyone else who will listen. (Including myself at times!) LOVING people is soooo important. But, equally important is to not just take your heart and hand it to someone! It is important to get to know a person - their motives, their hearts, before you can just decide you are going to be safe with being completely vulnerable and fully opening your heart to them.
I guess as with everything else in life, it would be wonderful if we did not have to worry about heart-ache and how it would affect us down the road in our lives. But we live in an imperfect world and hurt people really do hurt people - and so we have got to balance being loving and guarding our hearts.

"

These Are Silver- The Others Gold

2010-06-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter has been struggling with our upcoming move out west. My heart-strings are pulled by her in this as I have moved quite a bit in my life-time and had to make new friends, attend new schools, leave comforts behind and venture into new territory. Although in some aspects that is quite an adventure, it also means leaving a place you feel comfortable, friends and possibly family you love, and other things that have become such a big part of your life behind- so to speak.
We had the chance recently to relax in a hot tub together and as we sat there she started explaining how difficult it was to leave several of her closest friends. She mentioned that they could and would never be replaced. (Already this is bringing tears to my eyes as I type, since I truly can relate to this so well!) I told her she was EXACTLY CORRECT! These people she loves cannot EVER be replaced! Then, I went on to list some of my closest friends from my school years. I told her that even the ones that I have not had much contact with- the memories, the relationship was always with me - and reconnecting with them has made life much sweeter.
I reflected with her on friends of mine she has met. One from close to my hometown that I met after high school. But, I told her, if I would have stayed there, we never would have met the wonderful friends we made in Columbus! If we would have stayed in Columbus, we would have never met the wonderful friends we made in Oklahoma. If we would have stayed in Oklahoma, we would have never met the wonderful friends we have in Canton. If we never left Canton, we would have never met the wonderful friends we have made in Illinois. I reassured her that we will make more wonderful friends in Colorado.
I also shared with her- that none of the people I mentioned to her were replacing anyone! In fact, I cannot imagine my life without a single one of them now. Each of them brings something unique and special to my life and I cherrish them for that! I have been blessed...my family has been blessed by these friendships through these moves. I know I can always go to any one of them for anything and they are there! I also believe they know the same is true of me for them!
It all reminds me of the song we sang in girlscouts- "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other, gold."

The Run

2010-05-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today I accomplished a short term goal. I ran 2 miles straight- no walking- and I did it in about 20 minutes!

This did not happen all at once, though. On the contrary, last summer I began walking, and during my walk, I would jog the length of one block at a time. Gradually, I was able to run a little further each time I went out for a "walk" and then the cold weather came. (I was just able to make it one mile with maybe only a little bit of walking when that happened.)

I definitely did not want a huge setback because of the weather- but my asthma would not allow me to run in the cold wind without some repercussion, and I really cannot stand staying stationary and running on a treadmill inside...so I began to exercise indoors - but cardiovascularly. Zumba Fitness came into play! (Now I am an instructor- glad I found it- or was introduced to it- because I love it!) This helped get me into better shape and when the weather broke occasionally, as I could, I would head outside and work on my run!

I have been able to go out once a week - sometimes twice a week- and work at it for the past month or so. I talked to my dad about running as he has a lot of experiece and he helped me learn about pacing myself. As I practice pacing myself, I find that running has become easier and easier to do. I enjoy the time I have to think as I run. I enjoy the smells, the scenery and the sound of some of my favorite music playing on my ipod as I go. The rhythm set by my feet has some sort of soothing affect over me...

Something I reflected on today though, was that it is a process. My long-term goal was to enter a 5K by the end of summer. (After today, I am so much closer to that goal than I had expected!) But just like anything else in life, I have had to, and will continue to have to, develop one smaller step at a time. That is how I learned to walk, talk, sing, write, read, lift weights, play basketball...one step at a time. Nothing worth doing happens over night or right away.

The relationships I have with people I love are the same way. These relationships were built one small step at a time. Growth happened as we journeyed together a little at a time. The time and the growth...the reaching one level and then the next, is what has made the relationships what they are today and it is what will continue to devleop them as the relationship continues.

It is the same with my relationship with God. In the beginning it wasn't much of a relationship at all- and over time as trust was built - faith grew. As I learned, I loved and knew that I was loved. One step at a time, one level at a time.... And my run is not done. I have not reached the mark in any of my relationships that tells me I am finished- the journey is over. No, I am still going out there and doing what I can to get to the next level! I cannot imagine the run ever ending~!

I Walk Away...

2010-04-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

A short time ago I took a little break from Facebook. I was getting pretty emotional and felt it was probably not the best forum for me to spill all of my feelings out on a regular basis. I made the decision and I walked away...

Suddenly, I was receiving texts and emails from friends and family that contained thoughts, feelings and songs that they used to convey to me how much they enjoyed keeping in touch with me through facebook and how they were still there if I needed them.

They did not leave. They were THERE...they remained....it was me who chose to separate myself.

This began me thinking about my walk with God. The great I AM. He is always there. He never leaves. Sometimes, though, I have walked away. Sometimes, it has lasted an hour,sometimes a day or two, sometimes a few months, and sadly- sometimes years....But, I am so thankful to know that it is NOT God who leaves....and even more thankful that He sticks around until I have come to my senses!

DIRTY LAUNDRY

2009-10-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

This dirty laundry theme has come and gone with me over the past several years of having kids. I have one daughter in particular who has always been in the business of trying to hide her dirty laundry in the simplest and truest form. When she was a bit younger, I would find dirty clothes hidden in her drawers, or pushed inside her closet. Now that she is older- they lay on the other side of the bed- the side we don't see when we just walk or look in. But, there they are on the floor in quite a pile! I tell her that in order for them to be cleaned, she needs to put them in the laundry basket. If they stay hidden- they will remain dirty!

For whatever reason, whenever I have found her hidden dirty laundry, I get this picture - this message in my head- about how normal and similar all of this is when I compare it with myself and those around me. It may not be dirty laundry in it's most literal form, but we do try to hide the deep, dark, not so wonderful things in our lives a lot of the time.

At least I know I have - and I do.

This leads me into asking the big question...."WHY?".

Perhaps it is because we are afraid if someone found out they might have a not so desireable opinion of us- they may not want to be our friends anymore, they might leave us for good, or we might end up being held accountable and know that since we are comfortable in the place we are - doing what we are doing- we would much rather just stay there.

Whatever the case, whether we choose to put our dirty laundry into the clothes basket or not-- which is where it should go if we would like to have it cleaned up- we have to realize that the one opinion that REALLY matters most is that of God. He is the one who judges us, and ironically, He already knows about all of it- so why try to hide it?!

Road Called Christianity

2009-10-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

The pastor of the church my family attends recently wrote a book. It is called- The Forgotten Way of Jesus. My husband and I are in our third week of reading this book and discussing it with a small group of people at the church office once a week.

I have felt such joy reading this book- as so far, it has clearly worded some feelings and some thoughts I have had on my own journey down this road called Christianity....

In one chapter of the book there are several paragraphs that talk about the way a "Christian" is portrayed. I feel that during my life I have both, acted the part myself, and seen the part played out by others in each instance. One example is the Christian that views salvation as the heart of Christianity- you know- say the prayer and accept Jesus as savior. Another is the very religious Christian. I am certain you know of this one, too. The one that goes to church at a set time each week, reads the Bible daily, follows procedures and prayers mindlessly at times - more out of habit. Then there is the Christian outlook that says there is a moral coad to live by and this is what it is and it defines an individual. And lastly, the Christian outlook that some might refer to as name it claim it. The thinking here is that God is all pwerful and if I am loving Him and following Him, He is going to make everything go my way.

Sadly, Jesus represents so much more than just any one of these things and some of these things are just way off base if you look at the Jesus that was written about in the Gospels. Is it any wonder that we, Christians are turning people off when we are telling them they have to follow a code to be in our club, that the prayer of salvation is the end all be all of our relationship with God, that they must religiously and mindlessly follow along with the traditions we have in place, or when we sell them on not having anymore troubles and trials when they follow Jesus-- only to realize that they will still have trials and tribulations?

This book has got me thinking more deeply than I have in a long time about my own journey. This book is helping me to get why so many times, I have felt apprehensive and chosen other paths when someone tried to sell me on one of these roads....

It has also helped me to see how sometimes I have bought in to these different avenues and how, in the end, I was left feeling an emptiness, a confusion, or disillusioned.

I am looking forward to the weeks ahead - this is a turning point in my life- I know that for sure...I am excited to see where the road leads me next!

Like a Child

2009-10-06T06:35:00.002-07:00

I have been so busy...so busy. There has barely been time to sit down and breathe. Interesting, because that is exactly what the exchange student living with us says to me as she watches me running around taking my children to this place, helping with that activity, watching them participate in one thing and coaching another. She simply looks at me, smiles and says, "Breathe, Callico...." with her sweet Italian accent!

And, just over the past few days I have taken some time to just sit, to just be home, to just cuddle up on the couch with one of the amazing people in my house whom I love dearly.

The first one was my third daughter. It was the day after her 11th birthday party. She sat on my lap and we watched my favorite football team play and win a game! I thought to myself, how relaxing! How fulfilling- just sitting here and enjoying her and even without words!

Then, last night my oldest daughter- the teenager- she sat across from me on the other end of the couch. I had to ask her several times if she wanted to cuddle- you know, she felt too old....I told her she would never be too old to sit close to her mom and just hang out. Eventually she came over and put her head in my lap and within minutes she was asking me to rub her back and then we just sat still, watching a movie together.

Right now as I write this- my second daughter- the preteen- is laying her head on my lap and being close to her is a joy and is also relaxing. I wasn't even realizing how much I missed this kind of time with my kids!

Sometimes, I can get so caught up in the busyness of life- in the doing for- that I forget about the just being with. Merely spending time together....THAT is so important!

Now, my youngest child, she gets it! She is not old enough to feel like she has to be cool and not cuddle- she does not care where she is or what she is doing or who is around- she always gets the importance of just spending time together! We can be anywhere doing anything and she hops over and holds my hand or sits on my lap, or walks over and puts her arms around me and just hangs out.

This all reminds me of my own journey- God is like my perfect parent- always there- at every activity, every turn, every event, in the busyness and in the quiet....I just need to be aware of this and remember that no matter where I am, what I am doing, watching, playing... I can reach out to Him and spend time with Him. I also am reminded how nice it is to just put everything aside sometimes and just be with Him...I will never be too old, too cool, or too busy to spend time with Him. But, sometimes, it is important to take the time to just cuddle up and relax with Him.

The Christ in Christmas

2008-12-21T08:35:00.004-07:00

This Christmas when so many of the people in our country are dealing with job loss, foreclosures, going bakrupt, living paycheck to paycheck, wondering if they will have a job in a month, a week, or a day...I have felt a certain pull back to what the season is all really about. The Christ of Christmas.
St. Nick- the Bishop of Myrna, whomever you want to call him lived many years ago and he was a very nice and godly man who believed in helping others. He helped others in a very unselfish way- he gave without even letting them know it was him giving. This is what started the very secular tradition of Santa Clause and this is what we should pattern ourselves after.
Giving to people who need....it isn't all about the want. It is about the need. This year so many people need! I have seen and heard that the normal retail sales are way down this year for the holiday and that is a good thing...because now people are giving gifts to people that say, "I made a donation to this organization in your name." - to really try to help those who need help! But it is even more than that- just being kind to the person you pass on the road or at the store or maybe the person you aren't passing- but feel stck behind....a kind smile- a short and silent prayer....you never know the needs of another, but God surely does!
Getting back to the Christ part-Christ wants us to give in secret so that only our Father in heaven will know what we have done. In doing this, we are expecting nothing in return- no tax break, no thank you, no recognition. Not always an easy task, right?
But Christ, He required no special recognition...in fact, he often asked people to be quiet about how He had helped them. He humbled Himself. Gave up perfection to be poor, homeless and a half-brother to all his siblings....He joined the everyday joe! He became one of US!
This Christmas that is what I am truly thankful for. I have been blessed wiht many things and many people, but this is the greatest gift! Christ!

Make the Most of Our Time

2008-12-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today my daughter turned 13! I am sitting here now after everyone else in the house has gone to bed and I am thinking...WOW! Where did all that time go? I am realizing probably for the first time, how quickly time does pass.
I am thankful that I have, for the most part, been able to be at home and be a full time "Mommy" for the past 13 years! How much more, I wonder, would I feel time swiftly passed, if I had not been with her as much as I have! This is a tremendous blessing and I pray that I have used the time we have had together well over these years.
I think about how quickly this has gone and realize that it is only a short 5 years before she will be graduating and off to who knows where....How precious is the time we have....and how we choose to use it!

I want to be a Cheer leader!

2008-12-09T21:49:00.001-07:00

This past Sunday was my daughter's first Cheer Competition. She did so well! I was so proud of her! What amazed me, though, was how much those cheerleaders cheered and encouraged one another! It was very impressive!
I sat there thinking to myself, "Wow! This is what we should be doing everyday! We should be a cheerleader for the people around us!" The Bible clearly says to encourage each other daily. I am guilty of not being that kind of an encourager! I see need for improvement more than I see how wonderful things and people are just as they are!
I am so thankful that my creator in heaven looks at my potential and not just what I put out! I pray He will help me put more positive cheer out there than I ever have before! I want to be leading people with cheer and encouragement- I want to be a cheer leader!